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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think that studying the past history can help us better understand the present. Please discuss the two views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #two
A group of
people
 believe that knowing about past
history
 does not have any benefit for us;
while
 another group think learning
history
 guides us to know about now. in my own opinion
history
 is our light of way about our home which is the Earth planet. Not knowing about
history
 creates some problems for everyone in the world. When
people
 or society do not know about the
history
 of the accidents that had happened in the past it would cause problems which are going to show in the future and
also
 do not have any information about the lifestyle of
people
 who had been living in the past could force
people
 to go on the wrong way.
For example
, if
people
 did not know about the wars that have been done and
also
 the mistakes that kings made in the past, they must go that
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
towioce
Correct your spelling
twice
 and make
this
 mistake another time which can
damaged
Change the verb form
damage
show examples
 a lot of
people
. Knowing about
history
 can light our way and
also
 help us improve our knowledge about the present and
also
 future. When
people
 know about the past can solve many problems that are not going to happen again for more, and guide everybody about different cultures It is necessary to know how
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to behave with them.
For example
, governments that want to cooperate together must understand the laws of each other countries
also
 knowing about the past of the countries that want to communicate with each other is so helpful because shows them the things that might make their relationship worse or even better. In conclusion, I believe that
history
 is valuable and by learning humans can use the experiences which had a lot of cost in past.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow and coherence between your paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, try to make your main points more distinct and elaborated.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be more thoroughly developed and supported with detailed examples.
task achievement
Try to include more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task, discussing both views and giving your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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