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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, people think women should have equality with men, in particular, equal rights to work as police officers or serve in the army. Others think women are not suitable for such jobs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #women #equality #men #rights #work #police #officers #army #jobs
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Whether
women
Use synonyms
 should be given equal opportunity to work in the police force and the military or be restricted because of their incapability bears some consideration. From the writer's perspective, it is essential for
women
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 to be able to take part in the same career as
men
Use synonyms
 since they have important skills for different situations
as well as
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 the same ability to think and learn. despite those who believe that females should not be allowed to do equal tasks as males because of biological differences. It must be acknowledged that
women
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 can do excellent work in specific roles.
In other words
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, it is shown clearly when they arrest criminals,
while
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 their male counterparts use excessive force to perform the arrest,
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
 police officers seem to use words to work out the situation.
Moreover
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, in military forces, females become medics and stay at the rear to give medical care for injured military personnel rather than going to the front and
fight
Replace the word
fighting
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
women
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 can
also
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 contribute to society by doing a good job in their
strong
Correct word choice
apply
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fields.
However
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, some people say that
women
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 are not suited for the jobs that
men
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 do.
This
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 is based on
women
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 and
men
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 having different biological features, people think that
men
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 are naturally born for combat and face dangerous situations,
whereas
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women
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on the other hand
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 are created for jobs that require less physical strength.
This
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 may be true, but they can join special training programs in order to build more strength and endurance, improving their physical capabilities, which allows them to do their profession with no restrictions. In my opinion, females should definitely be allowed to access whatever career they want.
This
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 is because they have the proficiency to learn and special abilities, these are the determinants when people decide to look for a job. With that in mind,
women
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 can participate in whichever job is in their interest with no issues since they have met the requirements.
As a result
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, the same productivity can be achieved, no matter the gender. In conclusion, the ability to perform excellently in various positions and the same capabilities are the main factors that need to be considered.
Thus
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, it is vital for
women
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 to be given many chances in terms of jobs.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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relevant specific examples
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and demonstrate a strong understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will improve readability and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Well-written introduction and conclusion, both of which frame the discussion effectively.
complete response
You have addressed both views clearly and presented a well-rounded argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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