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Band 7.5

In some countries, more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #development
The question of whether people choosing to live alone is a positive development continues to be controversial because the trend has become more and more popular recently. I partially agree with the statement as follows reasons. On the one hand, living alone releases people's
stress
 economically and mentally. The social
stress
 exerted on workers may cause severe mental issues
due to
 the rapid pace of life.
Thus
, living alone may be one of the best ways to release
stress
 by having one's own space.
For example
, after hard work of a day, staying calm or sleeping may.
Secondly
, the cost of living could be reduced because people have fewer social activities.
For instance
, the money could be saved for retirement rather than holding a family dinner.
On the other hand
, society may have some negative impacts in terms of a lack of morals and a sluggish economy
due to
 living alone.
Firstly
, the responsibility for caring for others may fade unconsciously when they live by themselves.
This
 may
further
 reduce the sense of family and make the whole society apathetic.
Secondly
, economics may experience a downturn when the trend of living alone becomes more popular. To be more specific, it is true that living alone affects a wide range of industries like restaurants and entertainment, decreasing the transaction of money in society. If the trend is not reversed, it may contribute to economic negative growth in the long term. It appears to me that living alone benefits workers in a way of releasing
stress
.
However
, negative economic growth and a lack of morals may exist because of the reduction of socialization.
Submitted by yu18526106986 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, try to be more explicit in connecting your ideas. For instance, when you discuss how living alone reduces stress, explain more about how this translates to a positive development.
task achievement
Ensure to elaborate more on your examples. For instance, explain how saving money on social activities benefits individuals at a larger scale.
task achievement
Be careful with some of the vague phrases like 'severe mental issues' and 'economics may experience a downturn'. Be specific about what mental issues you are referring to and how the economy could be affected.
coherence cohesion
Polish your language slightly and focus on grammatical accuracy. Some sentences seem incomplete, e.g., 'For example, after hard work of a day, staying calm or sleeping may.', which should be 'For example, after a hard day's work, having some calm or a good sleep can help reduce stress.'
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for different points.
task achievement
Your points are balanced, considering both positive and negative aspects of living alone.
task achievement
The essay covers relevant examples and explanations, which make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
You conclude your essay effectively by summarizing your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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