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Band 7.5

the most important aim science should be to improve peoples lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment?

#aim #science #peoples #lives #statment
Nowadays, it has been known that all cutting-edge technology incredibly are developing. Some argue that advanced science must be addressed to elevate human lives.
Besides
, the approach has to take into account societal issues, I personally believe that improved knowledge should be considered to improve environmental conditions. On the one hand, it is inevitable that science leads humans in a captivating way, regarding technological improvements. In 2020, people around the world suffered from the COVID-19 pandemic, which made all universities lock down their education processes and attempt a new learning method,
such
 as digital learning.
For example
, in
this
 case, students and lecturers were introduced ZOOM platform with a hybrid system that combined online and offline classes, tailored for the teaching process.
Therefore
, people considered that the cutting-edge method was an enormous innovation for assisting humans regarding education issues.
On the other hand
, it is debatable that knowledge usage takes only into account human needs, without mulling over the deterioration of the environment to
this
 day. The data reports that over 75% of the sea in Indonesia has been categorized in serious condition
due to
 human activities.
For example
, shrimp culture that released contaminants, encompassing ammonia and H2S, and other pollutants,
such
 as oil are produced by gas companies established near the sea.
As a result
, I am personally contemplating that the researchers and innovators should be more concerned about the problems.
To sum up
, in my perspective, science has to be intended for the surrounding recovery for meeting human needs, without neglecting to provide the citizen's requirements.
Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay clearly addresses the prompt from the introduction through to the conclusion. Your opinion on the importance of science improving people's lives versus environmental improvement should be articulated more explicitly throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on providing a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your viewpoint and how you will support it throughout your essay. This will help with task response and overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph directly support or elaborate on that main idea. This will greatly enhance your essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use connecting words and phrases to explicitly show relationships between ideas within a paragraph and between paragraphs. This will help your essay's flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, try to ensure they are clearly linked back to the main point of the paragraph, highlighting your argument. This will strengthen both task achievement and coherence.
task achievement
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion in light of these points. Be sure it directly addresses the essay prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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