The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, technology can support our activities
such
as working, playing games, and Linking Words
also
communicating with family. Linking Words
On the other hand
, technology has a negative impact, especially on Linking Words
cyber crime
and the safety of users. Personally, I totally agree with the statement that the Correct your spelling
cybercrime
government
should be aware Use synonyms
about
the technology.
First and foremost, the Change the preposition
of
Internet
has an abundance of issues Use synonyms
such
as cybercrime and the safety of users because Linking Words
Internet
users apply personal Use synonyms
data
for registration, especially social media registration. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the Linking Words
data
can be Use synonyms
using
by other people because the security is unsafe. So, the Change the form of the verb
used
government
should be aware of personal Use synonyms
data
protection Use synonyms
in
the Change preposition
on
internet
. Use synonyms
For instance
, the Linking Words
government
have to excellent system to protect personal Use synonyms
data
Use synonyms
For
the Change preposition
apply
government
has regulations about the accessibility to use Use synonyms
internet
and Use synonyms
also
has security in the registration methods.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, safety can come from their person because they Linking Words
are
should be aware Unnecessary verb
apply
about
how to save their Change the preposition
of
account
and protect their personal Use synonyms
data
. Use synonyms
For example
, some students Linking Words
has
a group of friends and they believe that the Change the verb form
have
Use synonyms
account
Add a verb
account is
account was
more safe
when they share their Replace the words
safer
account
. In fact, it is a dangerous problem because their friends can access all personal Use synonyms
data
and can use it for other activities, Use synonyms
such
as buying a smartphone using their friend's Linking Words
account
. So, the Use synonyms
government
can not control Use synonyms
this
issue.
Linking Words
To conclude
, the Linking Words
government
can create regulations to protect personal Use synonyms
data
and reduce cyber security but the Use synonyms
government
can control citizen accounts. So, they should be aware Use synonyms
about
their personal accounts.Change the preposition
of
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have presented a clear position on the topic and supported it with relevant arguments. However, there are a few grammar and punctuation errors that slightly affect readability. Consider proofreading your essay for minor language issues.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively and provide more specific examples where applicable. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, ensure that all parts of your essay are equally well-developed and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between ideas and sentences to make your essay flow more smoothly. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good for readability.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both government responsibilities and individual responsibilities for internet safety.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.