IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, as society rapidly transitions to the digital era, cybercrime has become a serious problem. I partly agree that the
government
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 should control the
internet
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.
However
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, there are some issues to consider
besides
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 its negative effects. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that controlling the
internet
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 has several primary drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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 is an open platform that everyone can use freely. When the
government
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 starts to control websites or personal
internet
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 platforms,
people
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 might feel that their privacy is being invaded.
For instance
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, in some countries, where online regulations have already been implemented, it has led to over-regulation. Even though reducing cybercrime was their main purpose, it might bring other concerning problems to the public.
On the other hand
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, I believe that we need some regulations to reduce serious
internet
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-related crimes.
To begin
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 with, a great number of
people
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 use the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 every day, and it has become one of the biggest parts of our lives. In general, most
people
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 post their daily activities on social media or save their personal information,
such
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 as bank account passwords, home addresses, and mobile phone numbers, online. These facts make
people
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 more vulnerable to various cybercrimes. I suggest that the
government
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 play a crucial role in protecting citizens' personal information.
For example
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, the
government
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 should monitor suspicious
internet
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 activities and run campaigns to increase
people
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's awareness of cybercrime.
Therefore
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, controlling
internet
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 activity can help ensure
internet
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 safety. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are pros and cons to both sides.
Although
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 controlling and regulating the
internet
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 has significant disadvantages,
people
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 need laws to protect them, especially as the
internet
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 environment is rapidly expanding.
This
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 will be a better option in the long term.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, which is commendable. However, ensure that your position is clearly stated in the introduction. It would be helpful to explicitly mention that you partly agree and outline the main points that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay generally flows well, try to strengthen the logical connections between your paragraphs. A more explicit use of linking words or phrases can enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
While you've presented relevant examples, consider providing more specific or detailed examples to support your arguments better. For example, mention a specific country where over-regulation has led to issues, or cite statistics related to cybercrime.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well supported, demonstrating your understanding of the topic and ability to generate relevant ideas.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and you touch upon both sides of the issue, which shows a balanced perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybercrime
  • regulations
  • monitoring
  • suspicious activities
  • internet safety
  • user trust
  • e-commerce
  • censorship
  • freedom of speech
  • access to information
  • over-regulation
  • innovation
  • tech industry
  • data protection
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • technical limitations
  • digital landscape
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