The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, as society rapidly transitions to the digital era, cybercrime has become a serious problem. I partly agree that the

government

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should control the

internet

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However

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, there are some issues to consider

besides

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its negative effects. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that controlling the

internet

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has several primary drawbacks.

Firstly

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, the

internet

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is an open platform that everyone can use freely. When the

government

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starts to control websites or personal

internet

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platforms,

people

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might feel that their privacy is being invaded.

For instance

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, in some countries, where online regulations have already been implemented, it has led to over-regulation. Even though reducing cybercrime was their main purpose, it might bring other concerning problems to the public.

On the other hand

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, I believe that we need some regulations to reduce serious

internet

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-related crimes.

To begin

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with, a great number of

people

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use the

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internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

every day, and it has become one of the biggest parts of our lives. In general, most

people

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post their daily activities on social media or save their personal information,

such

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as bank account passwords, home addresses, and mobile phone numbers, online. These facts make

people

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more vulnerable to various cybercrimes. I suggest that the

government

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play a crucial role in protecting citizens' personal information.

For example

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, the

government

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should monitor suspicious

internet

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activities and run campaigns to increase

people

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's awareness of cybercrime.

Therefore

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, controlling

internet

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activity can help ensure

internet

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safety. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are pros and cons to both sides.

Although

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controlling and regulating the

internet

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has significant disadvantages,

people

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need laws to protect them, especially as the

internet

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environment is rapidly expanding.

This

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will be a better option in the long term.

kimjy3329Wed May 29 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, which is commendable. However, ensure that your position is clearly stated in the introduction. It would be helpful to explicitly mention that you partly agree and outline the main points that you will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Although your essay generally flows well, try to strengthen the logical connections between your paragraphs. A more explicit use of linking words or phrases can enhance the overall coherence.

task achievement

While you've presented relevant examples, consider providing more specific or detailed examples to support your arguments better. For example, mention a specific country where over-regulation has led to issues, or cite statistics related to cybercrime.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.

coherence cohesion

Main points are well supported, demonstrating your understanding of the topic and ability to generate relevant ideas.

task achievement

Your arguments are clear and you touch upon both sides of the issue, which shows a balanced perspective.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cybercrime
regulations
monitoring
suspicious activities
internet safety
user trust
e-commerce
censorship
freedom of speech
access to information
over-regulation
innovation
tech industry
data protection
identity theft
financial fraud
technical limitations
digital landscape

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