IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern era, the consumption of fuels has escalated to
such
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 an extent that concerns have arisen about their imminent depletion. Some advocate for an increase in
fuel
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prices
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 as a means to address environmental issues.
However
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, I vehemently oppose
this
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 view, as it would pose significant challenges for individuals accustomed to relying on
fuel
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. First and foremost,
fuel
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 is utilized in various ways, with a significant portion being used for transportation. The majority of
vehicles
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 are powered by fuels
such
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 as petrol or diesel.
While
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 the use of
vehicles
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 for short-distance travel is unavoidable, many fail to consider the adverse impact on the environment. To address
this
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 issue, alternatives
such
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 as cycling or public transport should be encouraged over personal vehicle usage.
Furthermore
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, many nations have made strides in developing electric
vehicles
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, which serve to mitigate pollution to a certain extent.
Furthermore
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, inflating
fuel
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prices
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 is not a viable solution to environmental problems.
Such
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 an action would create hardships for lower and middle-class households, rendering them unable to afford
fuel
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 expenses. A large number of families rely on central natural gas cylinders for cooking;
however
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, with increased
prices
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, even
this
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 basic necessity becomes unattainable.
Additionally
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, the cost of public transportation would
also
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 surge. One major repercussion would be an increase in unemployment and crime rates
due to
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 inflation. To elaborate
further
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, escalating
fuel
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prices
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 would alter people’s earning tendencies and potentially lead them to engage in criminal activities out of desperation. In conclusion, given that fuels are non-renewable energy sources, they should be utilized judiciously. The exorbitant cost of petroleum products could result in individuals suffering from a lack of access to basic necessities. There exist numerous alternative methods to combat environmental degradation
such
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 as afforestation and the promotion of electric
vehicles
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; these avenues represent more effective measures in my opinion.

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task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction more explicitly. A clear enumeration of your main arguments can strengthen the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that captures the essence of that paragraph's argument and relates back to the thesis.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments, particularly regarding the impact of fuel price increases on families and crime rates.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide a thoughtful argument against increasing fuel prices, considering both the environmental and social implications, which shows depth in your analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • emissions
  • alternative energy
  • conservation
  • mitigate
  • renewable energy technologies
  • affordability
  • collective action
  • innovation in energy efficiency
  • global cooperation
  • environmental measures
  • pollution
  • economic disparity
  • revenue
  • sustainable development
  • environmental sustainability
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