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Band 6.5

most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
It is sometimes argued that increasing
people
's lives quality should be the priority of science areas and explorations. I completely agree with
this
 idea
due to
 the money and time which
people
 spend on science fields which will be
further
 discussed in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, the government and related charges throughout the world are investing huge loads of money in scientific projects and explorations in order to boost human life.
As a result
, they are hopeful
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the investigation's results to help satisfy human demands.
For instance
, the US government has allocated astronomical amounts of money to space projects since 20 years ago and
also
 has sent several space crafts during these years to identify an alternative location for human living.
This
 investment is because of provides the best location for creatures after the earth is destroyed.
Secondly
, the major contributor to
this
 belief is the time and energy which scientists put into knowledge fields. It is almost universally accepted that nothing will be achieved unless with patience.
Nevertheless
,
people
 who are working on an invention or a scientific area should allocate their energy
as well as
 their youth to a particular project. So, they do repetitive experiments to reach an impressive accomplishment and fulfil
people
's aspirations.
Accordingly
, society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spends time on time-sink projects in order to get favourable results to make the world a desirable place to live. In summary, I do subscribe to the theory that scientific investments should be beneficial to the community and human beings and satisfy their needs based on the pressing reasons discussed above.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, with a topic sentence that is developed coherently with supporting arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on including a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases for seamless logical flow.
task achievement
Elaborate on your examples with more specific detail to enhance the depth of your analysis and argumentation.
task achievement
Strive for a more varied vocabulary and sentence structures, to achieve a higher level of lexical resource and grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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