The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, the
Internet
plays a vital role in our lives and almost everybody has access to it.
it is clear that
some individuals abuse it and engage in illegal activities. It is believed that the administration is accountable for the security of individuals who use the
Internet
. I agree with
this
statement to some extent. On one hand, it is irrefutable that the number of people who use the
Internet
has significantly increased in recent years. Since the real identity of users can be hidden easily, some people may be tempted to abuse and commit crimes. Almost every day we witness crimes that occur on
this
platform,
such
as hacking, and financial fraud.
Moreover
, children are extremely at risk of these offences because they are simply fooled and exploited.
Thus
,
this
issue should be addressed by the state. Unless the government tackles
this
issue, societies will suffer from insecurity.
On the other hand
, individuals should
also
be responsible for declining
such
criminals in cyberspace. Users should be aware and cautious and not trust anyone easily.
Furthermore
, users should avoid posting their personal information online to prevent these problems.
Moreover
, children should be supervised and educated by their parents to ensure their safety in the online world;
otherwise
, they are endangered.
To conclude
, access to the
Internet
has considerably increased recently, turning it into a potential platform for crime and offence.
Although
various measures should be taken by the government to ensure safety, every person should be vigilant to avoid being exploited.
Submitted by fatemeh1994bahrami on

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task and addresses both sides of the argument. However, adding more specific examples to support your points would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The ideas are generally clear and well-organized. A few more detailed examples or extended explanations would enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Good logical structure and clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. However, consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. However, try to provide a more striking conclusion to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
The essay is well-structured and addresses the task effectively. Both perspectives are considered, showing a balanced approach.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriate, setting the stage for the discussion and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The arguments are logically organized, making it easy for the reader to follow the discussion from one point to the next.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybercrime
  • regulations
  • monitoring
  • suspicious activities
  • internet safety
  • user trust
  • e-commerce
  • censorship
  • freedom of speech
  • access to information
  • over-regulation
  • innovation
  • tech industry
  • data protection
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • technical limitations
  • digital landscape
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