IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the cutting-edge society, it is argued that local authorities should pay attention to alleviating pollution in the public and
issues
Use synonyms
 of private accommodation with the purpose of making sickness and pandemics preventable. The writer completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 the benefits of reducing adverse emissions and eliminating
insects
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. It is crucial to understand that by concentrating on dealing with environmental
issues
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, governments can limit the huge amount of bad releases. It should be acknowledged that the threatened gases
such
Linking Words
 as CO2, and SO2, tend to negatively affect adversely to individuals’ well-being.
However
Linking Words
, the authorities may prevent numerous diseases
due to
Linking Words
 strict regulations about transport and industrial sites.
For example
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, the lung cancer percentage decreases swiftly in the USA because of falling in the quantity of released emissions from vehicles and factories.
Thus
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, people’s breathing can be enhanced and ensured not to be damaged and effortless prevention of breathing problems. Another point worth considering is that
insects
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 may be eliminated by focusing on building
issues
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. It should be noted that if there is a smaller number of
insects
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, residents will not get severe infectious diseases that create a worldwide pandemic.
Consequently
Linking Words
, citizens may have a daily life without
insects
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 which have an adverse impact on individuals’ health. Take
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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for instance
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, which was created by specific
insects
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, the infection of
this
Linking Words
 virus led to degradation in the economy and well-being.
Hence
Linking Words
, governments can effortlessly control the root of many problems. In conclusion, it is advantageous for the authorities to focus on environmental and construction
issues
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these enhancements make our lives better
at
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in
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 both physical and mental health

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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-structured and addresses the question, ensure that there is a clear and strong position maintained throughout. Some points can be more explicitly related to preventing illness and diseases.
coherence cohesion
The logic is clear, but some sentences can be more concise for better readability. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more varied linking words to enhance fluency.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, supporting body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a logical structure.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, adding strength to the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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