Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. Do you agree or disagree?
In the cutting-edge society, it is argued that local authorities should pay attention to alleviating pollution in the public and
issues
of private accommodation with the purpose of making sickness and pandemics preventable. The writer completely agrees with this
statement due to
the benefits of reducing adverse emissions and eliminating insects
.
It is crucial to understand that by concentrating on dealing with environmental issues
, governments can limit the huge amount of bad releases. It should be acknowledged that the threatened gases such
as CO2, and SO2, tend to negatively affect adversely to individuals’ well-being. However
, the authorities may prevent numerous diseases due to
strict regulations about transport and industrial sites. For example
, the lung cancer percentage decreases swiftly in the USA because of falling in the quantity of released emissions from vehicles and factories. Thus
, people’s breathing can be enhanced and ensured not to be damaged and effortless prevention of breathing problems.
Another point worth considering is that insects
may be eliminated by focusing on building issues
. It should be noted that if there is a smaller number of insects
, residents will not get severe infectious diseases that create a worldwide pandemic. Consequently
, citizens may have a daily life without insects
which have an adverse impact on individuals’ health. Take Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
for instance
, which was created by specific insects
, the infection of this
virus led to degradation in the economy and well-being. Hence
, governments can effortlessly control the root of many problems.
In conclusion, it is advantageous for the authorities to focus on environmental and construction issues
. Furthermore
, these enhancements make our lives better at
both physical and mental healthChange preposition
in
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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-structured and addresses the question, ensure that there is a clear and strong position maintained throughout. Some points can be more explicitly related to preventing illness and diseases.
coherence cohesion
The logic is clear, but some sentences can be more concise for better readability. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more varied linking words to enhance fluency.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, supporting body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a logical structure.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, adding strength to the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?