IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

large companies should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sport #facilities #community
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It is a common belief that all big enterprises should donate sports and social facilities to the local community. In my perspective, I agree with the statement.
Firstly
, providing social welfare will help them to strengthen the communal bond. One could argue that contributions to society from private companies should be opposed because providing vital supplies,
such
 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure, is fundamentally the
government
's responsibility. Relying on corporations for these essential services can lead to unequal access and a focus on profit over public well-being.
For example
, a pharmaceutical company might prioritize developing drugs that generate higher profits rather than addressing urgent public health needs.
Moreover
, when companies step in to fill gaps, it can diminish the
government
's accountability and commitment to its citizens. On that account,
this
 will promote their positive image. People will look at that companies are not only very successful but
also
 generously take care of those they enrich. The more usually the residents use their providers, the more familiar they are with their logo.
However
, some people oppose the contributions to society and claim that providing vital supplies is the
government
's concern. The taxes have already taken their role. But if we can give just 10% of what we receive from our customers, it will not matter. Ensuring that the
government
 manages these vital supplies helps promote equity, transparency, and a focus on the common good.
To conclude
, social donating or not is an arbitrary choice. I think being able to help the community grow is a great thing.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on specific examples to strengthen your main points. For instance, you could provide a concrete example of a company that successfully provided social or sport facilities and the positive impact it had on the community.
coherence cohesion
Increase clarity and focus in presenting your arguments. Some points seem repetitive or inconsistent. For example, you mention the role of taxes in one paragraph but then don't address how companies' donations might interact with government provisions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a good framing for the essay.
task achievement
You successfully present both sides of the argument which shows a balanced view and depth in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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