SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE ROAD SAFETY IS TO INCREASE THE MINIMUM LEGAL AGE FOR DRIVING A CAR OR MOTOR BIKE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE AND DISAGREE?

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The number of
accidents
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in road
traffic
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has risen significantly in recent years.
While
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some people believe that these
tragedies
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are related to the driver's age, I am inclined to disagree with
this
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perspective. The causes of these
tragedies
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are numerous, but the main factors are irresponsible drivers who operate cars or motorbikes at high speeds, under the influence of substances and use their phones
while
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driving. It is important to emphasize that age is not necessarily linked to careless or negligent driving. Many people over 30 years old are not prudent behind the wheel because they do not have a sense of responsibility. In Brazil, there are many young motorists who drive safely, avoid
accidents
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, and do not disrupt
traffic
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.
On the contrary
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, they are reliable and conscientious operators.
Nevertheless
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, a considerable number of older motorists are more prone to causing
accidents
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, if they are using their phones
while
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driving, speeding on the roads, or driving under the influence of drugs. The stringent implementation of
traffic
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laws is essential. Measures
such
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as increasing
traffic
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fines and revoking a driver's license for 10 years after repeated violations would significantly reduce disasters. These actions would sharply diminish the
accidents
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, as they will encourage motorists to respect the rules and,
consequently
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, enhance safety on the road.
To sum up
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,
tragedies
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are not necessarily linked to age.
However
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, the implementation of strict measures can lead to a significant decline in road
tragedies
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and a marked increase in safety.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position against increasing the minimum legal driving age, which is well articulated throughout. However, to fully achieve the task, consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly, perhaps including views on why some advocate for a higher age limit, and refuting them effectively.
coherence and cohesion
While your logical flow is mostly clear, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, when shifting from discussing age to the implementation of traffic laws, using transitional phrases could enhance the flow of ideas. Consider explicitly linking sentences or paragraphs to guide the reader more cohesively through your argument.
task achievement
Your supporting points are relevant, but they could benefit from additional specificity or examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could include specific statistics or studies about traffic accidents related to age and irresponsible driving to bolster your claims.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and articulates your stance clearly, which is a strong start to the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your stance well and reiterates the importance of strict traffic measures, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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