Music play an important role in society, others thinks it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
contemporary era, whether music
play
Change the verb form
plays
an
crucial role in mankind has become a topic of debate. Some argue that it is just a piece of entertainment Change the article
a
while
the proponents advocate it's
benefits to society. I personally Correct your spelling
its
opion
that Correct your spelling
opinion
music
play
Change the verb form
plays
very
significant role in a human's life. I shall discuss both Add an article
a very
view point
in upcoming paragraphs Correct your spelling
viewpoints
nd
provide examples to support my Correct your spelling
and
view point
.
Advocates explain listening Correct your spelling
viewpoint
music
has Change preposition
to music
plathora
of merits. First and foremost, Correct your spelling
plethora
Music
acts as a therapy for healing numerous illnesses like stress, depression and loneliness. Several psychiatrist
Change to a plural noun
psychiatrists
using
Wrong verb form
use
music
as a part of treatment to cure problems related to mental health.Also
, Music
represent
our culture, traditions and heritage. Every celebration is incomplete without Change the verb form
represents
music
. Human's
express their feelings, joy, happiness and Change noun form
Humans
sarrow
with Correct your spelling
sorrow
assistance
of Add an article
the assistance
music
.
On the other sides, some people believe that music
is just a normal form of entertainment for individuals. Children divert from their goals and ambitions and their interests incline
towards Wrong verb form
are inclined
music
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
effect
their studies and Verb problem
affects
puts
Verb problem
has
negative
impact on their thinking.
Add an article
a negative
However
, I personally thinks
Change the verb form
think
music
has become a prominent part of our life. While
listening music
masses get rid Change preposition
to music
from
daily life stress, Change preposition
of
take
a break from Correct word choice
and take
hectic
lifestyle that Correct article usage
a hectic
help
them to become physically and mentally healthy. Change the verb form
helps
Also
, Music
industry provides numerous job opportunities and gives a perfect platform for youngsters to represent their talent and assist them to acquire their dreams.
To Recapitulate, The pros of listening Correct article usage
the Music
music
Change preposition
to music
is
far more than Change the verb form
are
its
cons. Correct pronoun usage
their
Music
play
Change the verb form
plays
most
significant role in society Correct article usage
the most
to provide
job opportunities, a good platform to enhance talent for people, Change preposition
by providing
acts
as medicine to cure numerous illnesses.Correct word choice
and acts
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task response
Your introduction sets the stage well; however, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly aligns with the points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help create a stronger linkage between your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
To increase coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases more effectively between paragraphs and within them. Additionally, make sure all your paragraphs are well-linked to each other.
task response
You have acknowledged both viewpoints on the topic, which is essential for a balanced discussion essay.
task response
Your main ideas are generally clear and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.