IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extend do you think it effects the while family?

#majority #children #grandparents #fact #parents #effects
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people are taking care of their grandchildren,
While
 fathers and mothers are working and
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 hectic
scadule
Correct your spelling
schedule
. in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it has a lot of
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 and advantages,
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the cons are more than
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
. The impact of
this
 action could
interfer
Correct your spelling
interfere
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many life aspects,
Additionally
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the community as well.
Moreover
 ,
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 who tend to grow
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
 their grandparents tend to
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
psycologically
Correct your spelling
psychologically
 unstable,
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the lack of family
boundraie
Correct your spelling
boundaries
. Raising
children
 and
teengs
Correct your spelling
teens
teenagers
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 complex process and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
larg
Correct your spelling
large
 effort and attention,
As well as
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
imporant
Correct your spelling
important
 to
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
 the
children
 in their pathways. In fact, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some positive points
such
 as
children
 will learn to be more self
dependens
Correct your spelling
dependent
dependents
,
For instance
, one of my
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 her
grands
Correct your spelling
grand
 house,
she
Correct word choice
and she
show examples
 had
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
personatlity
Correct your spelling
personality
.
Although
 she says that she
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
Change preposition
in cildhood
show examples
cildhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
.
Finally
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally
argue
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 to leave my babies with my parent under any conditions. To
coclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, the negative consequences
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 only limited to
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 but the family as
whole
Add an article
a whole
show examples
 can be affected. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think we all should value our time to spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
children
,
also
 always try to be present for their needs.
Submitted by Selfigih7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Begin with an introduction that outlines the topic and your main points, then proceed to elaborating on each point in separate paragraphs. Finally, conclude by summarizing your main arguments. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to support each of your main points with concrete examples and detailed explanations. This helps in building a more compelling argument and demonstrates your ability to provide comprehensive responses.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'scadule' should be 'schedule' and 'psylogically' should be 'psychologically'. Attention to detail in language use can significantly improve the readability and overall impression of your essay.
task achievement
You've made a solid attempt to address both the advantages and disadvantages of children being raised by their grandparents. This shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your example about your friend adds a personal touch and helps to make your point about the potential benefits of being raised by grandparents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: