Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time #situation

Some

people

seek

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

perfect work and personal life balance.

However

reality

Add an article

the reality

show examples

of their job situation does not let them meet the goal set by them. There are a plethora of problems that cause

this

issue and certain solutions have to be implemented to avoid

this

issue.

To begin

with, the extreme working hours and irregular shifts could cause problems in the life of employees. To exemplify,

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

nurses do not have fixed shifts, their duty

keep

Verb problem

show examples

on rotating

Change preposition

to rotate

show examples

from morning to night shift to tackle the problem of staff shortage. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there is

unavailability

Correct article usage

an unavailability

show examples

of nursing staff, hospitals try to manage the duty by offering extra hours to the current employees. A recent study has provided a clue that

due to

such

an infrequent style of job, their divorce rates are very high. So, it can be difficult to maintain balance with

such

types of jobs.

In contrast

, families should spend leisure time together

such

as planning a trip to international countries which could reduce the isolation happening

due to

the straining work schedule.

Thus

, a sense of belonging could help bring

people

close to each other and decrease

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

friction.

For example

, a study shows that

people

who take a week off from work in a year for a vacation are happier and

productive

Correct quantifier usage

more productive

show examples

throughout the year than the

one's

Change noun form

ones

show examples

who have not. Ergo, creating memories with family helps a lot to steer through the difficulties of life. In conclusion, extended working hours could affect

people

personally

as well as

at a family level.

Although

, spending quality time with one's family could help a lot to bring down the stress.

Hence

, work-life balance seems an ideal solution for

people

and a multitude of creative methods should be implemented to achieve

this

goal.

Submitted by Kiran on Wed May 29 2024

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grammar

Work on grammatical accuracy to improve overall clarity. For example, 'people who have not' should be 'people who do not.'

coherence

Provide clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence. For example, instead of 'In contrast,' you could use 'On the other hand' to show an opposing viewpoint.

structure

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.

examples

Good use of specific examples, like the study on nurse shifts and divorce rates, to support the main points.

content

The main points are well-supported and relevant to the topic at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

At present, the media affects people’s lives significantly. What impact does this have on society? Is it a negative or positive development?

Now a days, Many People have to work longer hours, and then feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons for stress at the workplace? What can employer do to make their employee's life easier?

Some people think that mental strength is more important for success in sport. Some believe physical health is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?