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Band 3.5

Some people believe that studying abroad is important because it expands a person's knowledge and understanding of the world. Others feel that it is better to study at home because that is the best way to prepare for a career in the student's own country. Discuss both these views, and give your opinion.

#people #person #world #study #home #career #student #country
Some
people
 think that studying abroad is important because it expands for person understanding
also
 knowledge of the world other believe that it is better to
study
 at from counter because
that is
 bast way to prepare of a career in the
student
 is own country some
people
 think
that is
 good idea in studying abroad that help
people
 on live in any place
also
study
 person on help self than give the
people
 many information in life and some
people
 searching on small cost because do not have much
money
 some time
study
 need
money
 in some counter addition in
home
 not have specialty want the
student
 because that want the
student
 travel in out
home
 so need the
student
 a
study
 many languages
while
 some students want
study
 in
home
 because that want now place so now place need
money
 some
people
 do not can about that and
this
 is many hard
then
study
 in
home
this
 is relax
however
 studying abroad
that is
 hard too can person stye with family it any time and
study
 nerd for house
this
 is easy idea in conclusion after watch both the points I think go to abroad
that is
 bast idea for teenager because that help teenager on take good job and can take a lot of
money
 or works
Submitted by s97580011 on

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organization
Focus on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a main idea and supporting details. This will improve the logical structure and make your points clearer.
language
Work on using more precise language and correct sentence structures. This will make your ideas easier to understand.
content
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help with this.
task response
You have made a good attempt to discuss both views and give your opinion, which is essential for this task.
content
The intention to provide reasons for both sides of the argument is clear, showing an understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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