IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
It is argued that more funds should be allocated to
roads
 and motorways rather than to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transport
 system. I am in complete disagreement with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, I can understand why spending money on
road
 networks gains the support of many people. Their view is that better
road
 quality would increase the levels of safety and ease
traffic
 congestion.
Firstly
, the better quality of motorways means a considerable decline in
road
 mortality and injury rates.
This
 is justifiable since the
roads
 in some countries are fraught with holes and obstacles, plaguing people with danger and insecurity. In
this
 sense, the amelioration of poor
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
 infrastructures would ensure the safety of travellers.
Secondly
, expanding
roads
 and building more motorways are
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 to curb
traffic
 jams.
Traffic
 congestion is a major concern in big cities where massive numbers of vehicles travel on the
road
 during hours of peak demand.
This
 vexed problem could be tackled as wider
roads
 provide maximum travel time in free-flowing
traffic
.
On the other hand
, I would agree that spending on public
transport
 modes can accommodate a larger number of passengers at a time.
This
 could be exemplified by integrated and expansive public
transport
 networks in Australia. Recent estimates indicate that each train on Sydney's railways removes approximately 1000 cars from its
road
.
Therefore
, a modal shift from private to public
transport
 would tremendously alleviate urban congestion which has been considered as one of the productivity bottlenecks in developed economies.
Moreover
, efficient public
transport
 systems are a contributor to a cleaner environment. By removing cars from
street
Add an article
the street
show examples
, public transit plays a pivotal role in the abatement of carbon
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
. Not only does
this
 reduce air pollution, but it
also
 mitigates the effects of climate change as a whole. In conclusion, I acquiesce in the view that money should be invested in public
transport
 systems rather than
road
 networks.

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clarification
Consider adding a bit more detail to your examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, explain how Australia achieved its integrated public transport network through policies and investments.
grammar
A few minor grammatical improvements can help lift the clarity and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and effective structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and well-elaborated, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Specific examples are used effectively to support arguments, such as the reference to Sydney's railway system.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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