IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this?

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Over the
last
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 few years,
children
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’s marks have worsened
due to
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 the increased
time
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 they spend on social networks.
This
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 essay will discuss the principal causes of increased
time
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 students spend on gadgets including the entertaining
content
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 and impact of
peers
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 and it will suggest solutions to
this
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 problem including setting
time
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-management and conversation sessions by
parents
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.
To begin
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 with, one main reason for
this
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 is the
content
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 that easily attracts
children
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, after which they are unable to finish watching.
This
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 is because influencers profit from viewer numbers, so they create attention-grabbing
content
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instead
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 of focusing on useful videos and photos.
Additionally
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, another key cause why
children
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 spend a lot of
time
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 on social
media
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 is that there is an impact of
peers
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 and desire to be part of the group.
In other words
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, students want to meet the expectations of
peers
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 by being aware of trends.
For instance
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, a recent study found that
children
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 are spending more
time
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 on social
media
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due to
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 engaging
content
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 and a desire to fit in with their
peers
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. In my opinion, it is
parents
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 who should teach
children
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 how to correctly use social
media
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.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 should limit the
time
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 when
children
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 can access social networks;
moreover
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, create a schedule involving
time
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 to study and gadgets.
Secondly
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, unless
parents
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 talk with their
children
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, they will suffer from low grades. It is hard to explain to
children
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;
nevertheless
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, the family members should clarify the importance of forming their own
opinion
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opinions
show examples
.
For example
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, in a recent experiment, after following a schedule and regular conversations with
parents
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,
children
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’s results
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been improved. In conclusion, spending a major part of
time
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 on social
media
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, which is caused by engaging
content
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 and peer impact, leads to reduced academic achievements.
However
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, combined approaches with strict rules and open communication can solve the problem and enhance the grades.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance task achievement further, more specific examples and evidence can be provided to substantiate your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but to aim for a higher band score, try to develop your points more thoroughly by providing additional supporting details. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and devices. This will make the essay flow more smoothly and logically.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and neatly summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main ideas are well-supported and logically structured, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
What to do next:
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