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Band 7.5

Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #amount #time #internet #effect #skills
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Nowadays, many younger people play on the
internet
Use synonyms
 more than any activities that damage their ways of communicating with each other. I agree with
this
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 situation right now because there are changes in their daily activity.
First,
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there is easier access to playing
internet
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 than in previous years ago.
This
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 phenomenon is the effect of being introduced to technology since childhood from their circle of environment.
As a result
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, they easily become dependent on these things and maniacs.
Moreover
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, the price of using the
internet
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 tends to be cheaper over several years than playing toys.
Due to
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 that, many parents give their children tablets or phones and it affects their sense to speak and communicate with other people during their growing period.
Additionally
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, the parent has a perspective that giving them these things will help them in monitoring their child which sometimes they have a busy schedule with other activity.
Besides
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 that, using it for a long time could damage their self-confidence and shy to interact with the outside world.
Furthermore
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, if they cannot manage to use it and there are no people to overlook or remind them
while
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 playing
internet
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.
Finally
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, teenagers cannot improve and practice their social skills and become bad at communicating.
For instance
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, many students get more friends on social media
although
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 never met,
whereas
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 in real life they do not have true friends and hard to maintain good relationships.
To conclude
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, using the
internet
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 over time will have more negative impacts than positive results, especially in developing human soft skills, which is important to handle the time of using it.
Submitted by nabilah.sasa09 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or studies to strengthen your argument. Citing statistics or experiences can make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences flow logically from it. This will improve the logical progression of your essay.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas a bit more to show a depth of understanding and insight. Adding more layers to your argument will enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The topic is addressed with a relevant personal opinion, contributing to a complete task response.
coherence cohesion
The argument is generally clear and understandable, which is crucial for good communication.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • essential social skills
  • in-person communication
  • constant internet usage
  • cyberbullying
  • social anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • real life
  • social media platforms
  • online communities
  • communication skills
  • peers
  • similar interests
  • shy or introverted
  • less intimidating
  • confidence
  • improve social skills
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