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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001 .

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001 .
THE PROVIDED CHARTS COMPARED TWO GENDERS REGARDING THE PROPORTION OF THE CRIMINAL POPULATION OF A COUNTRY IN EUROPE FROM 1911 TO 2011. IN GENERAL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT
WHILE
Linking Words
 IN THE BEGINNING
YEARS
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 THE CRIMINAL RATE OF MALES TENDED TO INCREASE ,
ALSO
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 THE FEMALES IN THOSE TIMES TENDED TO DECREASE. REGARDING
TO
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FINAL
YEARS
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 ,
BY CONTRAST
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 WITH THE
BEGIN
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BEGINNING
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, THE FEMALES SHOW THE CHANGE IN TREND FOLLOW TENDED TO INCREASE ,
AS WELL AS
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, THE CRIMINAL RATE OF MALES HAD A BIG CHANGE AND
ALSO
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 HAD THE HIGHEST CRIMINAL PERCENTAGE BETWEEN BOTH
SEXS
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SEXES
 OVER TEN
YEARS
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. LOOKING AT THE FIGURES IN
FURTHER
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 DETAIL, THE MALE
CRIMINALS
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 IN THE FIRST YEAR BEGAN WITH APPROXIMATELY 20,000
CRIMINALS
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 AND IT WAS UNCHANGED UNTIL 1931 . AT THE SAME TIME , THE NUMBER OF
CRIMINALS
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 SLIGHTLY FLUCTUATION IN 1971 . AFTER THAT ,IT HAD A SOAK TO THE HIGHEST POINT WITH THE PROXIMITY OF 50,000
CRIMINALS
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 . TURNING TO THE REMAINING STATISTICS , THE AVERAGE OF FEMALE
CRIMINALS
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 IN 1911 BEGAN HIGHER THAN THE MALE
CRIMINALS
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 IN 3500
CRIMINALS
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 .
ADDITIONALLY
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 , IT HAD A SHARP DECREASE
TO
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UNTIL AFTER FOUR
YEARS
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 BY BELOW 1000
CRIMINALS
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 . IN TERMS OF THE AVERAGE OF
FEMALES
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FEMALE
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CRIMINALS
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 FROM 1941 TO 2001 , IT
WAS
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A
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SLIGHTLY ROSE TO ABOVE 1000
CRIMINALS
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 , CONSIDERABLY .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, criminals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • steady rise
  • sharp decline
  • plateau
  • spike
  • dip
  • trend
  • peak
  • period
  • decade
  • stable
  • significant change
  • historical context
  • socio-political factors
  • implications
  • legal system
  • economy
  • social services
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