IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001 .

THE LINE GRAPH SHOWS THE PRISON POPULATION IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY BETWEEN 1911 AND 2001 .
#line #prison #population #european #country
THE PROVIDED CHARTS COMPARED TWO GENDERS REGARDING THE PROPORTION OF THE CRIMINAL POPULATION OF A COUNTRY IN EUROPE FROM 1911 TO 2011. IN GENERAL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT
WHILE
 IN THE BEGINNING
YEARS
 THE CRIMINAL RATE OF MALES TENDED TO INCREASE ,
ALSO
 THE FEMALES IN THOSE TIMES TENDED TO DECREASE. REGARDING
TO
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
FINAL
YEARS
 ,
BY CONTRAST
 WITH THE
BEGIN
Replace the word
BEGINNING
show examples
, THE FEMALES SHOW THE CHANGE IN TREND FOLLOW TENDED TO INCREASE ,
AS WELL AS
, THE CRIMINAL RATE OF MALES HAD A BIG CHANGE AND
ALSO
 HAD THE HIGHEST CRIMINAL PERCENTAGE BETWEEN BOTH
SEXS
Correct your spelling
SEXES
 OVER TEN
YEARS
. LOOKING AT THE FIGURES IN
FURTHER
 DETAIL, THE MALE
CRIMINALS
 IN THE FIRST YEAR BEGAN WITH APPROXIMATELY 20,000
CRIMINALS
 AND IT WAS UNCHANGED UNTIL 1931 . AT THE SAME TIME , THE NUMBER OF
CRIMINALS
 SLIGHTLY FLUCTUATION IN 1971 . AFTER THAT ,IT HAD A SOAK TO THE HIGHEST POINT WITH THE PROXIMITY OF 50,000
CRIMINALS
 . TURNING TO THE REMAINING STATISTICS , THE AVERAGE OF FEMALE
CRIMINALS
 IN 1911 BEGAN HIGHER THAN THE MALE
CRIMINALS
 IN 3500
CRIMINALS
 .
ADDITIONALLY
 , IT HAD A SHARP DECREASE
TO
Change preposition
apply
show examples
UNTIL AFTER FOUR
YEARS
 BY BELOW 1000
CRIMINALS
 . IN TERMS OF THE AVERAGE OF
FEMALES
Fix the agreement mistake
FEMALE
show examples
CRIMINALS
 FROM 1941 TO 2001 , IT
WAS
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
SLIGHTLY ROSE TO ABOVE 1000
CRIMINALS
 , CONSIDERABLY .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, criminals with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • steady rise
  • sharp decline
  • plateau
  • spike
  • dip
  • trend
  • peak
  • period
  • decade
  • stable
  • significant change
  • historical context
  • socio-political factors
  • implications
  • legal system
  • economy
  • social services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: