IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the priority of the government is spending expenditure to extend the quality of private vehicle roads like cars and motors
instead
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 of investing in the
transport
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system
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 of the community. From my perspective, I partly disagree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 some reasons and providing a concluding view for both phenomena following the essay. On the one hand, I would agree that spending expenses on upgrading the path of private cars is very efficient.
In other words
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, in Vietnam, the majority of people have almost used personal vehicles for
transport
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,
therefore
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, the main strategy of the authority is increasing the convenience of traffic circulation.
For example
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, the
transport
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system
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 of the central city like HCM city in Vietnam, is crowded frequently
due to
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 a lot of residents and workers in here moving every day so investing in the route of personal vehicles is justifiable.
As a result
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,
this
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 issue will observe a decline in traffic congestion, improving the comfort of the
transport
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system
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.
Nevertheless
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, I
also
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 believe that enhancing the public
transport
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system
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 is essential to ensure the quality of social life better.
That is
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 to say, nowadays, a large amount of employers focus on gathering metropolitan areas to gain the opportunity for jobs.
Therefore
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, developing the transportation in public makes citizens adopt it. That will make the circulation in busy areas become allocated reasonably.
Furthermore
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, transportation contributes to the decline in
pollution
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.
For instance
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, buses and trains now are operated by electric power
instead
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 of gasoline fuel. In fact,
this
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 will decrease the air
pollution
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 and noise
pollution
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.
As a result
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, the state doesn’t have to waste large money to reduce the
pollution
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 issue. In conclusion, investing in roads and motorways is not as effective as in public transportation systems
due to
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 the superior characteristics of saving resources and protecting the environment.

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general
Try to improve the clarity of your points by avoiding overly complex sentences. Simplifying your language can make your arguments more understandable.
general
Ensure all your examples directly support the points you're making. Some examples could be more clearly connected to the main argument.
general
Work on the smoothness of sentences to improve the readability. This will also help in making your essay less redundant.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument before giving your perspective.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue, giving a good overview of what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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