IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagee?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams #disagee
A controversial discussion point is whether
money
 should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
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 motorways and roads or
on
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in
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 public transportation.
This
 writer believes that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transport systems play a pivotal role in society
due to
 the convenience and residential finance. It is vital to understand that in
this
 modern era, more and more
people
 prefer using public transport
such
 as
train
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trains
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 and
bus
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buses
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. The expenditure of citizens is increasing day by day entitled to the convenience of transportation,
people
 want to use them as their vehicles to move around their own railways and trams with the purpose of serving local
people
 by automatic machines within seconds.
For instance
, in the United
State
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States
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, many parents encourage their children to go to school by bus because it does not usually take much time to wait and they can find it anywhere. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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, with the popularity of
these system
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this system
these systems
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, the state should invest more to widen or level up the
transports
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transport
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 in order to contain more consumers. The
finance
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financial
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 factor is
also
 worth considerable which is one of the main reasons why
people
 choose public
transports
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transport
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 rather than buying one for their own. With just a small amount of
money
, humans can almost move everywhere in their city without
concerning
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concern
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 about moving fees. In a competitive environment, a ton of workers have to fight for their jobs
everyday
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every day
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 to gain high
salary
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salaries
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 and pay for their living costs. Public transport systems are the best option for those who are in trouble of financial crisis and from that, they can save an amount of
money
. Take Japan as an example, more than
two thirds
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two-thirds
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 population of
this
 country use trams rather than motorbikes because of environmental
issue
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issues
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.
Consequently
, with the investment in public
transports
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transport
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, not only tackle
this
 problem but
also
 solve the pollution. Taking all points into account, public transportation should be invested more
money
 by the government and investors for commercial use and satisfying
humans
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human
show examples
 necessities.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear position on the issue. However, some of the arguments and ideas need further development and clarity. Consider expanding on certain points to offer more depth to your response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas to enhance coherence. While your paragraphs are largely well-structured, some transitions between thoughts and ideas need to be smoother.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to support your points more effectively. While examples are included, they should be more directly relevant and clearly connected to the arguments you are making.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that sets the direction for the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the topic and your stance on it, which enables the reader to understand your viewpoint right away.
task achievement
You make an effort to provide examples to back up your claims, such as the references to the United States and Japan. These examples, though needing better alignment with your arguments, show an attempt to ground your points in real-world contexts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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