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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public tranport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #tranport #systems #railways #trams
Whether or not funding should be allocated to roads and motorised vehicle paths rather than spent on public
transport
 is a debatable topic.
This
 writer contends that investments in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation systems are much more necessary, for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cost-effectiveness and reduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost of long-distance travel. It is crucial to understand that, a well-organised public
transport
 scheme is desired to help a lot of people commute in just one single trip.
Due to
 the fact that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transport
system
 can carry many more customers at a time, it is very economical as there is only
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 for fewer vehicles to
transport
 a larger quantity of passengers.
Therefore
, the amount of money saved on developing vehicles can diverted for improvements of
transport
system
 infrastructure
such
 as roads.
For instance
, Japan has highly developed modes of public transportation
such
 as trains, they only need to use a small fraction of the economy to develop a reliable
system
. Despite these, many people still argue that public vehicles when carrying passengers over long distances will always charge exorbitant prices.
This
 viewpoint is totally falsehood, almost all
transport
 systems nowadays are funded by governments. Because of
this
 travelling long distances will only cost the customers the average price of a ticket. As an example, Japanese governments funded all of the nation's
tranpsort
Correct your spelling
transport
system
 making it cheaper for all citizens to use. In conclusion. investing ob public
transport
 systems would be more beneficial for long-distance travel.
Thus
, it should have been demonstrated that spending money on public
transport
 is a wise decision

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coherence cohesion
To achieve higher band scores, ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Try to make your arguments more concise and focused. Avoid repetitive points and provide clearer transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Make sure every paragraph is developed and elaborated to completely address the task. Your essay contains good ideas but could have provided more detailed specific examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
Review grammar and syntactical structures to avoid minor errors that may affect clarity. Also, ensure your introduction and conclusion strongly reflect your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which make your position on the topic clear.
task achievement
You have made a complete response to the task by addressing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your essay is generally clear with comprehensive ideas and relevant points made. The main arguments are well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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