IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rether than society. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #rether #society
It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 for university education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not necessary because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 useless for
society
. From
this
 writer's perspective, it is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 thing because of the
income
tax
 for the individuals and
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of the learners. It can be understood that everyone must pay the
income
tax
 for the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
. The students
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not
a
Change the article
an
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 exception, they must pay it in the future when they have their career's
income
.
Consequently
, it will contribute a spark
of
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to
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national
Add an article
the national
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 budget, those money is the most important part of the capital for the improvement of
society
's facilities. Take Denmark
for example
, people must spend around 37% of their salary
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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income
tax
 and gain
a spectacular
Correct the article-noun agreement
spectacular society facilities
a spectacular society facility
show examples
society
 facilities
include
Wrong verb form
including
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highchool
Correct your spelling
highschool
high school
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 for
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners
show examples
 in all levels of education.
Additionally
, the
scholarship
 can be a sign of promotion from
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 or government to the pupils. They will be motivated by it and spend more effort on their studying.
Hence
, that can improve the average band score of the students and lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher quality of undergraduate.
As a result
, the quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future employees in companies can increase and bring about the development of
society
. From prior knowledge, with the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
, the GPA of pupils in universities can rise
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 35 to 45%. In conclusion,
scholarship
 is a necessary investment because of the
income
tax
 and the promotion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 studying.
Therefore
, it should have been more policy to increase the financial aid for the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of civilization.
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay stays focused on addressing whether students should pay the full cost of their own education and why; currently, the reasons provided can be made clearer in relation to this topic—connect your points more explicitly to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear or slightly awkward, such as ‘the useless for society' and ‘promotion of the learners.’ Aim for precise phrasing and correct any grammatical errors to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make more explicit connections between your reasons and the overall argument of whether university education benefits society. Ensure that the reader clearly understands why these points support your view.
task achievement
Your use of examples, like the tax system in Denmark, effectively supports your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with both an introduction and conclusion present.
coherence cohesion
You do a good job of supporting your main points with explanations and examples, helping to make your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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