For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
In
this
day and age, it is often said that Linking Words
money
is the main reason for plenty of Use synonyms
people
to Use synonyms
work
hard. It is the opinion of Use synonyms
this
writer that they Linking Words
also
Linking Words
work
for promotion and gaining happiness, Use synonyms
thus
, disagreeing with Linking Words
this
statement.
It must be acknowledged that Linking Words
people
often want to get a promotion rather than earn Use synonyms
money
. Use synonyms
Due to
the fact that when citizens get a high Linking Words
position
of power, they are respected by many Use synonyms
people
around and they will get a lot of assistance if they get in trouble with something. Use synonyms
Moreover
, being in a Linking Words
position
of power Use synonyms
also
helps their Linking Words
children
a lot, to be more specific, when they grow up, they will inherit the Use synonyms
position
of their parents and have standard careers. Taking some Vietnamese kings in the past, their Use synonyms
children
all inherited their parent’s Use synonyms
position
when they became enough mature. Use synonyms
Therefore
, promotion is a key factor in working hard.
Another reason why citizens dedicate themselves to their Linking Words
work
is to gain happiness. Use synonyms
In other words
, many workers feel happy, interested and satisfied when they Linking Words
work
and contribute hardly to their company or their bosses. Use synonyms
As a result
, they will gain more motivation to contribute and remain doing that job. Linking Words
For instance
, rapper Den Vau used all his Linking Words
money
from a song to make a charity for Use synonyms
children
who live in Vietnam's mountainous areas. Use synonyms
This
is really meaningful to him because he can bring food, drink and conditions for studying to those Linking Words
children
. In Use synonyms
this
way, he gains a lot of happiness and motivation to develop his career.
In conclusion, Linking Words
money
is not the main reason why Use synonyms
people
dedicate themselves to Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
essay has demonstrated clear reasons to support other purposes of hard Linking Words
work
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, arguing that people work hard for reasons other than money, such as promotions and happiness. However, you could further develop your ideas with more specific examples and additional points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider adding transition phrases between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph thoroughly supports a single main idea before moving on to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally clear, it could benefit from more detailed explanations and stronger examples to better support your arguments. Aim for more depth in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the Vietnamese kings and the rapper Den Vau, which help illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, maintaining a focus on the argument throughout.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example