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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Fast food is becoming a part of life every where, negatively affecting our lifestyles and dicts. To what extend agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #lifestyles #dicts
In today's job market, fast
food
 is turning into the
tyles
Correct your spelling
type
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
was
Verb problem
that is
show examples
popularitied
Correct your spelling
popular
 by the most of population around the world.
However
, it is commonly
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that fast
food
 has a major impact on
people
's diet and lifestyle. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 view and
accert
Correct your spelling
accept
assert
this
 will have dual main negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating
convenience
food
, and
this
 essay will be proven by looking at the
negative
Fix the agreement mistake
negatives
show examples
 mentioned below. Coming to the first influence is
also
 the highest impact that eating
junk
food
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much will make
peple
Correct your spelling
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have excessive weight gain and they lead to obesity easier than
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
, because they absorb a large of sugar, salt and calories sparely without doing exercise or playing sports to
blance
Correct your spelling
balance
 the content of
subtances
Correct your spelling
substances
 in
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
.
Besides
 that,
junk
food
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 so much salt.
Therefore
, it can make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
accumulate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large amounts
ofcholesteroles
Correct your spelling
of cholesterols
 accidentally inside blood vessels, and high blood
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 will become earlier.
For example
, It can take Europe as an instance, the most of patients
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 high blood pressure or cardiovascular
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
usaually
Correct your spelling
usually
 are the
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
junk
food
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most meals.
Thus
, eating
junk
food
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much will
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 your health to decrease and it
also
 causes many serious and dangerous
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
On the other hand
, depending on
convenience
food
 may negatively affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's cookery skills. For
explaination
Correct your spelling
explanation
, It can be seen that when
people
 don'
t
 spend their time in the kitchen, their skill
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cooking will
be dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and they can'
t
 cook their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 dishes.
Otherwise
, buying a large number of
convenience
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 may
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
people
's
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 to decline significantly.
Moreover
,
Greating
Correct your spelling
Growing
 excess
food
 and drink packaging
also
 increased domestic waste in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
.
For instance
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, most of the
toltal
Correct your spelling
total
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rubbishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
rubbish
show examples
 always from fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 which
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 out of
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
 and
people
 can'
t
 continue
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. Especially,
this
 trash
also
rise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
 the proportion of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution.
Hence forth
Correct your spelling
Henceforth
show examples
, it can be stated that
convenience
food
 is the controversial
food
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 fast
food
 is cheap,
delicous
Correct your spelling
delicious
 and convenient, it
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 give you a lot of negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your health and your
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
. And, students shouldn'
t
 eat
convenience
food
 for long times
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task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability. For example, focus on correcting errors such as "impact that eating junk food to much" to "impact of eating too much junk food" and "they lead to obesity easier than another people" to "they lead to obesity more easily than other people."
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences and elaboration to establish better coherence. For example, instead of "Coming to the first influence is also the highest impact..." use "The first and most significant impact of consuming junk food..."
coherence cohesion
Use more precise language and vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively. Instead of "popularitied by the most of population around the world" consider using "gained widespread popularity."
task achievement
Balance the content with both the negative and potential positive aspects of fast food for a more nuanced discussion, which can demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover multiple relevant points such as health impacts and economic implications.
task achievement
The writer makes an effort to provide examples, such as citing Europe and the USA, which helps in contextualizing the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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