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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Tody, people stored knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

#books #tody #people #internet #outweigh
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Nowadays,
people
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 tend to store
knowledge
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 on the
Internet
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 rather than in books. From my point of view, I believe that the positives of
this
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 trend outweigh its negatives. To start with, using the
internet
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 as a storage for
knowledge
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 has two great benefits.
First,
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the
internet
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 provides
people
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 with quick and easy access to a great variety of
information
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.
Whereas
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 in former times,
people
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 had to spend much time leafing through numerous pages in search of
knowledge
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, modern
people
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 can look for different types of
information
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 with just a mouse click.
Moreover
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, with the
internet
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 and the help of electronic devices,
knowledge
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 is accessible anytime and anywhere. To illustrate, even
while
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 running,
people
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 can still absorb
information
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 from podcasts or
audio books
Correct your spelling
audiobooks
show examples
, which would be impossible with traditional books.
Moreover
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, the
internet
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 allows
people
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 to keep more diversified types of
knowledge
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. Since the
internet
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 is capable of storing
audios
Fix the agreement mistake
audio
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 and videos, nowadays, film and musical legacies can be stored and shared with our future descendants with ease. Beneficial as it is, storing
knowledge
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 online
also
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 causes two main problems.
Firstly
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,
internet
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 users must be aware of fake news. As anyone can post anything online without verification and repercussions, loads of unreliable
information
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 awaits uninformed netizens and supplies them with inaccurate
knowledge
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.
This
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 can be dangerous in case the
information
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 is health-related or law-related.
Secondly
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, intellectual copyrights are at risk
due to
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 the boom of the
internet
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. In recent years,
due to
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 how loose cyber laws are, the
internet
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 has become a tool for millions of websites to distribute pirated publications in exchange for advertising revenues. These copyright infringements inflict substantial losses on the publishing industry and discourage aspiring authors.
To sum up
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,
although
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 storing
knowledge
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 on the
internet
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 has many disadvantages, it
also
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 proves to be immensely advantageous in numerous cases.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured and logically organized, making it easy for readers to follow the argument. However, ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points more explicitly. This would give your conclusion more impact and clarity.
task achievement
While the essay answers the prompt effectively, providing relevant specific examples would strengthen your argument further. Including more real-life instances or statistics could provide stronger support to your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet. This balanced view demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Clear and logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion. The use of transition words and phrases is effective in connecting ideas seamlessly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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