IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #adults #education #class #self #study
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there has been a growing debate on whether adults need to attend formal classes to pursue
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 or if
self-study
Use synonyms
 can be an effective alternative.
While
Linking Words
self-study
Use synonyms
 offers flexibility and the ability to tailor learning to individual needs, I believe that formal
education
Use synonyms
 in a
classroom
Use synonyms
 setting provides essential structure, interaction, and resources that are difficult to replicate through
self-study
Use synonyms
 alone. One of the main advantages of
self-study
Use synonyms
 is its flexibility. Adults often have various responsibilities,
such
Linking Words
 as work and family commitments, which can make attending regular classes challenging.
Self-study
Use synonyms
 allows individuals to learn at their own pace and schedule, making it easier to balance
education
Use synonyms
 with other aspects of life.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
self-study
Use synonyms
 empowers learners to choose topics that are most relevant to their personal and professional goals, fostering a more motivated and personalized learning experience.
However
Linking Words
, formal
education
Use synonyms
 in a
classroom
Use synonyms
 setting offers significant benefits that
self-study
Use synonyms
 lacks. Interaction with instructors and peers is a crucial element of the learning process. Instructors provide guidance, clarify doubts, and offer feedback that can enhance understanding and retention of material.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
classroom
Use synonyms
 discussions and group activities promote critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which are difficult to develop in isolation. The structured environment of a
classroom
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 helps maintain discipline and focus, ensuring consistent progress.
While
Linking Words
self-study
Use synonyms
 presents a convenient and customizable approach to adult
education
Use synonyms
, the structured environment, interactive opportunities, and comprehensive support offered by formal classes are indispensable for effective learning.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that a combination of both methods could be the most beneficial approach, allowing adults to leverage the advantages of
self-study
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 still gaining the valuable experience and resources provided by
classroom
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay can be strengthened by providing one or two specific examples that illustrate the benefits of formal education and/or self-study for adults. This would add more depth to your arguments and help in achieving a perfect score.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is coherent and follows a logical structure, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and make your argument even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning and understand your stance.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and effectively argued. You have good control over your language and ideas, which results in a persuasive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: