IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #store #internet #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There was a
time
 when knowledge was written in
books
 but now it is put on the computer.
This
 writer believes that maintaining for a long
time
 and being easy to access outweighs the drawbacks of misinformation. It must be acknowledged that uploading knowledge on the
internet
 can keep it for a very long
time
. Unlike
books
, which can easily get lost or burned, the majority of content will be lost after a decent amount of
time
while
 on the
internet
, everything will be kept fresh and new all the
time
 since it is not dependent on physical objects.
Consequently
, the
Internet
 will keep knowledge better than
books
. Another point worth considering is
internet
 can be accessed anywhere and anytime. In today’s modern world, almost all individuals have access to social media,
therefore
 they can read all the
books
 with just some buttons,
while
 people have to buy
books
 which is very inconvenient.
Thus
,
books
 can be accessed more easily using the
Internet
 than
books
. Some people think that
books
 online can be faked and spread misinformation through these.
This
 might be true, but the government is trying their best to maintain healthy and useful
books
 online. So
this
 problem will most likely be fixed in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 distant future. In conclusion, convenience and maintenance outweigh the disadvantages of misleading information.
Therefore
,
books
 should be uploaded online.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a clear stance on the topic and made a reasonable argument. However, to achieve a higher score, include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can mention how online databases and educational platforms have revolutionized access to information.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Try to use linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points discussed and reinforcing your main argument. Ensure that your conclusion brings a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and clear conclusion, which provides a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Good use of comparative language to highlight the differences between books and online resources.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of the contrast structure to address counterarguments and then refute them with a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: