IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages.

There is no denying the fact that it is nowadays it is important for nations to take
risks
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 in their working and personal lives. There are many advantages and disadvantages to that. I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I think in some situations a person can take a
risk
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according to
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 the amount of it and he or she ought to think of that before making the final decision.
This
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 essay will analyze
this
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 topic from both points of view. On the one hand, taking
risks
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 in life could have more profits, there is a balance between the
risk
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 level and its value.
In addition
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 to that, it might open new opportunities in a person’s life.
Moreover
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, working in a high-level country or
company
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 may affect a person’s salary, which might be a good choice to take the
risk
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 if there is more salary or more features in the workplace.
On the other hand
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, taking
risks
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 has many disadvantages including the loss of money chances and opportunities or even jobs.
For example
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, when a person changes the
company
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 that he or she works in, he or she might not find a good salary in another
company
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, which has a huge effect on his life. Even if it is a business, the
company
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 might lose it is profits
while
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 taking a big
risk
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 which might affect its development and improvement. In conclusion, it is essential that many communities take
risks
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 in their personal or professional lives, those
risks
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 might have positive or negative aspects.

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task achievement
Your arguments about the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks are a good start, but try to develop them further for clarity. Provide more specific examples or details to support your points, which can enhance the overall response.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing certain sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For instance, instead of saying 'the company might lose it is profits', it should be 'its profits'. Also, ensure that your transitions between ideas are smooth to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You effectively state your opinion on the topic, indicating that you believe the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, which is a clear stance.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct sections for introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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