When international media (including movies, fashion shows, advertisements and other TV programs) convey the same messages to the global audience, people argue that the expansion of international media has negative impacts on cultural diversity. What is your opinion?

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It is undeniable that

due to

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the advantages of technological advancement, international

media

Use synonyms

are easily accessible nowadays unlike in the past.

However

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, some people believe that

this

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development can severely impact cultural identities. In my opinion,

although

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it may bring cultural influences to some extent, it can have positive impacts on our society but

also

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it will not encourage to disappear our own

culture

Use synonyms

thoroughly.

Therefore

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this

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essay intends to elaborate on how foreign

media

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can influence the

culture

Use synonyms

in depth and its consequences.

To begin

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with, international channels can offer significant benefits to viewers.

For instance

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, individuals can learn about different cultures of other countries, and have an opportunity to adopt the good points of their

culture

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In addition

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, it lets them broaden their vision and knowledge level, which is critical in today's globalisation era.

On the other hand

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, many believe that the

media

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from Western countries can influence their tradition and

culture

Use synonyms

which can lead to cultural diversity, a result in which, their cultural identities can end up losing.

For example

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, they wear the same outfits and speak the same language

due to

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the widespread

media

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coverage.

Hence

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, some people are concerned about the extinction of their traditional

culture

Use synonyms

and language. From my perspective, their ingrained deep

culture

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and tradition will not be affected by the

media

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This

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is because

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culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

are as different as they were ever in the past.

For example

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, they never address the name to our elders and always communicate with them with respect,

although

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Western people do not mind calling someone by name. In

this

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regard, it is evident that

media

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cannot influence an individual's

culture

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completely.

To sum up

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, it can be reiterated that there are some influences in their daily lives

due to

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movies and TV programs from Western countries.

However

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. cultural diversity will not reach the serious stage.

ayepwintphyu02Thu May 30 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction sets a good tone and presents a clear thesis statement. Try to be more concise and focused to improve clarity. For example, avoid unnecessary phrases like 'it is undeniable that' and get straight to the point.

coherence cohesion

In your body paragraphs, you've presented clear points. However, make sure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and elaborate more on specific examples and how they support your argument.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve the logical flow of your essay by making smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, you can use transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore,' to link your ideas more fluidly.

task achievement

While your conclusion summarizes your main points well, a stronger restatement of your thesis can add more impact. Make sure to clearly reinforce your main arguments.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the main points of the task prompt, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure is consistent with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring a coherent flow.

task achievement

You've included relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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When international media (including movies, fashion shows, advertisements and other TV programs) convey the same messages to the global audience, people argue that the expansion of international media has negative impacts on cultural diversity. What is your opinion?

Some people feel that they must pay high taxes are necessary so that the government will have enough money to give good public services to society. others disagree.

Some people say schools should be responsible to teach young adults to look after their health, others think this is not responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The Need for Higher Prices on Sugary Products to Promote Healthier Consumption

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantage or more disadvantages?