When international media (including movies, fashion shows, advertisements and other TV programs) convey the same messages to the global audience, people argue that the expansion of international media has negative impacts on cultural diversity. What is your opinion?

It is undeniable that
due to
the advantages of technological advancement, international
media
are easily accessible nowadays unlike in the past.
However
, some people believe that
this
development can severely impact cultural identities. In my opinion,
although
it may bring cultural influences to some extent, it can have positive impacts on our society but
also
it will not encourage to disappear our own
culture
thoroughly.
Therefore
,
this
essay intends to elaborate on how foreign
media
can influence the
culture
in depth and its consequences.
To begin
with, international channels can offer significant benefits to viewers.
For instance
, individuals can learn about different cultures of other countries, and have an opportunity to adopt the good points of their
culture
.
In addition
, it lets them broaden their vision and knowledge level, which is critical in today's globalisation era.
On the other hand
, many believe that the
media
from Western countries can influence their tradition and
culture
which can lead to cultural diversity, a result in which, their cultural identities can end up losing.
For example
, they wear the same outfits and speak the same language
due to
the widespread
media
coverage.
Hence
, some people are concerned about the extinction of their traditional
culture
and language. From my perspective, their ingrained deep
culture
and tradition will not be affected by the
media
.
This
is because
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
are as different as they were ever in the past.
For example
, they never address the name to our elders and always communicate with them with respect,
although
Western people do not mind calling someone by name. In
this
regard, it is evident that
media
cannot influence an individual's
culture
completely.
To sum up
, it can be reiterated that there are some influences in their daily lives
due to
movies and TV programs from Western countries.
However
. cultural diversity will not reach the serious stage.
Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets a good tone and presents a clear thesis statement. Try to be more concise and focused to improve clarity. For example, avoid unnecessary phrases like 'it is undeniable that' and get straight to the point.
coherence cohesion
In your body paragraphs, you've presented clear points. However, make sure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and elaborate more on specific examples and how they support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay by making smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, you can use transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore,' to link your ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
While your conclusion summarizes your main points well, a stronger restatement of your thesis can add more impact. Make sure to clearly reinforce your main arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the task prompt, indicating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is consistent with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring a coherent flow.
task achievement
You've included relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

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