In todays modern world, the pressure of modern life is negative. What is your opinion?

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Homo- sapiens are living contemporary lifestyles. In the 21st century, the burden of contemporary life is impacting personal and family

relationships

Use synonyms

deleterious

Change the article

a deleterious

show examples

manner.

According to

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me, those kinds of pressures are built up

due to

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a lack of understanding and

also

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due to

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satisfying their desires.

Firstly

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, the major reason behind the ruining of healthy

relationships

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is that

people

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are turning to be money-minded. Getting into details,

due to

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diverse competition

people

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are trying hard to work around the clock to satisfy their lavish demands. Day by day, the expenditures of common

people

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are expanding

due to

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materialistic things.

Due to

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this

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people

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are spending their most of

time

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earning and conflicts arise within families

due to

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a lack of communication and understanding.

According to

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studies, almost 25% of the world's population opt for illegal means to earn money to satisfy their needs but their families suffer a lot

due to

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their illegal work.

Furthermore

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, another reason for the above-stated concern is that so many individuals are abandoning their ethical values.

People

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are devoting their

time

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to securing their jobs.

Due to

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hectic schedules, parents and youngsters are not spending quality

time

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with each other,

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that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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is why

relationships

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weaken.

Also

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, social media and the internet are influencing

people

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at a greater pace and taking the place of their quality

time

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. To support factual data, a survey was conducted by Toronto

university

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University

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which concluded that around 70% of

people

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are obsessed with social media platforms. So, mainly

people

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are not investing their

time

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in maintaining their

relationships

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To conclude

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, I would pen off by saying that

people

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ought to implement moral values in their lives and

also

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try to satisfy their worldly needs rather than luxurious needs.

Submitted by gursagarsingh1998 on Mon Oct 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea. The essay could be improved by ensuring the arguments are more distinct and perhaps explicitly linking back to the main topic.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to reinforce your points, such as real-world examples or studies.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which effectively summarize the main points discussed.

task achievement

The essay discusses relevant issues such as the impact of a modern lifestyle on personal and family relationships, satisfying the task response effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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In todays modern world, the pressure of modern life is negative. What is your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?