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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #child #children #numbers
While
 it
is widely claim
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is widely claimed
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 that
by
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apply
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providing
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 six years of free-charge
education
 for each child in developing countries is considered
as
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apply
show examples
the best solution to alleviate its poverty issue, others argue that
this
 they better focus on improving quality of life and gaining
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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economic status first. Both
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 and reasons why I disagree with the former statement
that
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apply
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will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it may
seems
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seem
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 sensible for some to believe that nothing is
worthwhile
Correct quantifier usage
more worthwhile
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 than giving
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 to people just like
handed
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handing
show examples
 them a weapon in
this
 competitive world.
This
 is
possibly
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possible
show examples
 because they viewed that
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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 the ability of the people
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the key to
develop
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the development
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 of the country.
To simply
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Simply
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 explain, being educated can promote
further
 studies which result in the research and innovation that they could apply
for
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to
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 its nation.
For example
, there is no wonder why China become the most powerful
countries
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country
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 as
they
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it
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provide
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provides
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numerous
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apply
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free
education
 and
support
 for its people to study both
domestic
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domestically
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 and abroad. With the
support
 from the
government
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government,
show examples
 it helps them to create a
skillfull
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skilful
skillfully
 employee back to its country. Many
of
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apply
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opponents of
this
 idea might
opposed
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 that
by
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apply
show examples
offering
the
Correct article usage
apply
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free
education
 could be impossible without
adequet
Correct your spelling
adequate
 funding.
Therefore
, in
this
 respect, there is
an
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apply
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evident
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evidence
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 collated from a research
center
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centre
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 presented
comparison
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a comparison
show examples
 study of free
education
 provided
in
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apply
show examples
. Take India,
For example
;
although
 they were
renowed
Correct your spelling
renowned
 to be
genious
Correct your spelling
genius
 in IT and sciences, it still
remain
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remains
show examples
 in the developing countries lists.
However
, I personally argue in favour of the country should emphasis on its economic wealth first seeing that without enough monetary
support
Add a comma
support,
show examples
 a proper
education
 could not
happened
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happen
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. Frankly speaking, the equipment
of
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for
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 studies and teaching
require
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requires
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 money as a key to
support
 good materials
such
 as books,
stationary
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stationery
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 and so on.
Like in
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In
show examples
 Thailand, it always a debatable controversy in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
of
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regarding
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 the quality of
free charge
Add a hyphen
free-charge
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education
 when
comparing
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compared
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 to the academic
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
with
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in
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the
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apply
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private school. In a nutshell,
although
 it is undeniable that poverty is hard to resolve yet providing study for free in
a certain years
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain years
a certain year
show examples
couldnot
Correct your spelling
could not
couldn't
 tackle its problem that much, I am of the opinion that
by
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apply
show examples
aiming to have better economic wealth could ideally
funding
Wrong verb form
fund
show examples
this
 free academic scheme in order to create a good quality of future employee.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly. While you have tackled the prompt, the coverage of the counter-argument and your viewpoint could be more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using clearer topic sentences and more definitive concluding sentences.
task achievement
Enhance your use of specific examples. Try to include more specific and concrete examples to better support your main points.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and vocabulary usage. While small errors do not heavily impact your overall message, a more polished essay will help in conveying your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Consider introducing each viewpoint more explicitly. This will help to ensure that each argument is clearly presented and dissected with enough supporting evidence.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of the controversy by presenting arguments for and against the provision of free education.
introduction conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that help in framing the essay and summarizing your viewpoints effectively.
supported main points
The usage of examples from countries like China, India, and Thailand demonstrates an effort to support your arguments with real-world scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • investment
  • employment opportunities
  • break the cycle of poverty
  • informed decisions
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • access to technology
  • stable governance
  • challenges
  • cultural barriers
  • free education
What to do next:
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