As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalisation. Some people fear that globalisation will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#mass #communication #transport #societies #phenomenon #globalisation #people #fear #loss #identity

Advancement of technology in communication and transportation has

catalized

Correct your spelling

catalyzed

glabalisation

Correct your spelling

globalisation

globalization

This

phenomenon created more shared common things and values within global

citizen

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citizens

show examples

. Some people assume that globalisation can disrupt

nation's

Correct article usage

a nation's

show examples

identity and eventually will make cultural heritage

vanished

Wrong verb form

vanish

show examples

. I

am agree

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agree

show examples

with people's assumption because new generations are prone to adapt the new

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

and many of them are passionate

with

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about

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assimilated

culture

Study

Add an article

A study

The study

show examples

from Bandung Islamic University reported that

total

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a total

the total

show examples

number of high schools in Bandung, the home of Sundanese

culture

, that teach

Sundanese

Correct article usage

the Sundanese

show examples

language as a regular subject has decreased by 35% in 2024

dua

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due

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lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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of human resources specialized in

this

discipline.

In contrast

english

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English

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courses gained 50% more students in the same year. The fact proves that youngsters are more welcome to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

globalisation and slowly forget their local cultures. In December

last

year, a group of protestants was seen in front of Bandung City

Coucil

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Council

building, they were conveying their

complains

Replace the word

complaints

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after seeing the city's representative in a national beauty

peagent

Correct your spelling

pageant

competition

chose

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

to wear modern attire

instead

of using

the

Correct article usage

show examples

authentic outfit

while

performing a traditional dance. Older generations were

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apply

show examples

rage

Add an article

the rage

a rage

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

disrespectful things towards cultural heritage that seemed to happen more often. It was

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

such

a shame to leave our traditional

culture

. In conclusion, globalisation has

creeped

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crept

show examples

in and

replace

Wrong verb form

replaced

show examples

the existing traditions. It is not good to forget the identity that has been passed on from our ancestors, because it

also

mean

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means

show examples

that we try to refuse who we really are.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Thu May 30 2024

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General

Your essay presents a clear stance and effectively elaborates on the topic of globalization and cultural identity. However, it would benefit from more varied sentence structures and enhanced vocabulary to improve readability and engagement.

Grammar

Some grammar and spelling mistakes were noted, such as 'catalized' instead of 'catalyzed' and 'glabalisation' instead of 'globalization.' Proofreading for such errors will improve the coherence and readability of your essay.

Task Achievement

The examples provided are relevant but could use more detailed explanation to strongly support your points. Adding more examples or statistical data can help in substantiating the argument more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try integrating smoother transitions between paragraphs to ensure that your essay flows more naturally from one idea to the next.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, which effectively encapsulates your main points.

Task Response

Your response addresses the task well, providing a balanced argument with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped ? Dicuss both views and give your opion.