For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

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It is true that
science
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,
technology
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and business are more vital to people than music and
art
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. There are various reasons for
this
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problem, but
governments
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could certainly take steps to address
this
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issue. There are many reasons why people consider
technology
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. One of the major reasons is that
art
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and music are not popular
subjects
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in schools and universities, educational institution promotes more
subjects
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such
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as computer
science
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, and business management in their course studies rather than
art
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-related
subjects
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.
This
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is because it is easier for graduate
students
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to find jobs in the field of
technology
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than to search for jobs in
art
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.
For example
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, some companies sign contracts with college
students
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while
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they are still studying computer
science
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degree in order to hire them after graduation. To draw people's attention to
art
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,
governments
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should take some measures.
Firstly
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, they should offer scholarships for
students
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who are willing to continue a degree in one of the
art
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fields.
This
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step can draw people’s attention more to
art
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subjects
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and encourage more of them to apply to study in any field
that is
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related to music and
art
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.
Secondly
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,
governments
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should arrange arts events in local societies at a reasonable price so that everyone can attend these kinds of activities.
For instance
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, in Germany,
governments
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arrange big festivals gathering musicians and
art
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gallery owners in small towns for the public without entry fees.
To sum up
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,
although
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technology
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and
science
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are important in today's world,
governments
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should take measurements to attract people’s attention to
art
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subjects
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and increase scholarships for
art
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students
Use synonyms
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
Expand on how values in society have shifted towards science, technology, and business. Explain why this shift has occurred in more detail.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific artists or successful art programs if possible.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensive nature of your ideas by incorporating more diverse vocabulary and sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, use linking words and phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Moreover.'
coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and reiterates your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main points of your argument are relevant to the prompt and well-organized.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • evolve
  • technological advancements
  • overshadowing
  • financial pressures
  • practical careers
  • digital entertainment
  • accessible
  • integrated
  • curricula
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • public art projects
  • engage
  • interactive
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