For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

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It is true that

science

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technology

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and business are more vital to people than music and

art

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. There are various reasons for

this

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problem, but

governments

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could certainly take steps to address

this

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issue. There are many reasons why people consider

technology

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. One of the major reasons is that

art

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and music are not popular

subjects

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in schools and universities, educational institution promotes more

subjects

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such

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as computer

science

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, and business management in their course studies rather than

art

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-related

subjects

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This

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is because it is easier for graduate

students

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to find jobs in the field of

technology

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than to search for jobs in

art

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For example

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, some companies sign contracts with college

students

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while

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they are still studying computer

science

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degree in order to hire them after graduation. To draw people's attention to

art

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governments

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should take some measures.

Firstly

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, they should offer scholarships for

students

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who are willing to continue a degree in one of the

art

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fields.

This

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step can draw people’s attention more to

art

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subjects

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and encourage more of them to apply to study in any field

that is

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related to music and

art

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Secondly

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governments

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should arrange arts events in local societies at a reasonable price so that everyone can attend these kinds of activities.

For instance

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, in Germany,

governments

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arrange big festivals gathering musicians and

art

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gallery owners in small towns for the public without entry fees.

To sum up

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although

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technology

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and

science

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are important in today's world,

governments

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should take measurements to attract people’s attention to

art

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subjects

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and increase scholarships for

art

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

nidaa_hamedThu May 30 2024

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task achievement

Expand on how values in society have shifted towards science, technology, and business. Explain why this shift has occurred in more detail.

task achievement

Provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific artists or successful art programs if possible.

task achievement

Improve the clarity and comprehensive nature of your ideas by incorporating more diverse vocabulary and sentence structures.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, use linking words and phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Moreover.'

coherence cohesion

Provide a more detailed conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed and reiterates your stance on the issue.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

The main points of your argument are relevant to the prompt and well-organized.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
evolve
technological advancements
overshadowing
financial pressures
practical careers
digital entertainment
accessible
integrated
curricula
fostering
emotional intelligence
public art projects
engage
interactive

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Your opinion

With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how it can be managed?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is more important to use the space in cities well than make them beautiful. To what extend do you agree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?