IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Companies should provide sport and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sport #facilities #communities
The significance of local
facilities
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether corporations should provide
sports
 and social
facilities
 for local communities arise. In my opinion,
companies
 should offer
sports
 and social
facilities
. Irrefutably, the promotion of the
company
 occurs.
This
 is because corporations release articles about huge investments to establish
sports
 and social
facilities
 and have opportunities to advertise the
company
's name on the
facilities
' exterior and interior.
This
 obviously leads citizens to be aware of businesses' contributions to local individuals and
this
 in turn results in a positive and trusted reputation in local communities. What is more,
although
 a huge construction expense cannot be ignored, employees experience job satisfaction from convenient
facilities
. In actual fact, labour studies undertaken by experts have revealed that workers who live in local areas with invested amenities from the
companies
 are more likely to visit
sports
 and social
facilities
 which enhance their fitness and social relationship.
This
,
therefore
, brings about a better quality of life.
Nevertheless
, an investment in local
facilities
 barely makes a profit for
companies
.
In other words
, since building on
sports
 and social amenities costs a huge amount of money, each
company
 would make a capital loan from a financial organisation, so these
companies
 would struggle with a financial burden. To recapitulate, an investment in local
facilities
 barely makes a profit for
companies
, but establishing amenities leads to an increase in the
company
's promotion and employees' job satisfaction.
Thus
, corporations should offer
sports
 and social
facilities
.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task well and covers multiple aspects of the topic, it would benefit from delving deeper into how such investments can positively impact communities, with specific examples or hypothetical situations demonstrating this impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Although the logical structure is strong, incorporating more transitional phrases between ideas can further enhance cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that aptly sets up the argument and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported and developed, making the argument compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community well-being
  • corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • healthcare costs
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • economic growth
  • community relations
  • job satisfaction
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stimulate local economy
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