IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Human activities have negative effects on the environment. Some people believe it is too late to take measures to prevent animals and plants from dying out. Others think actions should be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#activities #effects #environment #people #measures #animals #plants #actions #situation
These days, technology has changed
people
's lives and altered too much;
moreover
, the bad effect has been humans can do every work really fast;
as a result
, they destroy the environment;
then
 a group of
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 is too late to avoid these happened
instead
 of another group who think we can improve the background and help it to get better. In my opinion, the second view is true, because we can
change
 our situation, and sometimes is really hard, but we must not build limits for ourselves.
Initially
, some
people
 thought we could not do any good work to stop deforestation or prevent animals from dying out
due to
 the effect now we do not have a lot of creatures species.
In addition
, we cannot replace it.
In other words
, we do some works which have bad effects that cannot
change
 to the first position. To illustrate, a large area of Iran jangles are injured trees and animals, for extraction gas:
therefore
, now when we want to
change
 these influences, we cannot return trees and animals.
Secondly
, some
people
 like to
change
 their position to improve their surroundings.
That is
 a good idea so that, everything can be changed, and if we avoid the dangerous things after many time it can be changed to the first position;
nevertheless
,
this
 time might be short or long.
For instance
, the Iranian jaguar inhabitants kill ;
however
, now
people
 have changed their ways to increase their society. In conclusion, everything can be changed .
In addition
, some work needs a long time for alternatives;
hence
, we have to do works that are good for the environment and have less bad effects on the environment.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion well. To improve, ensure that each part of the essay is clearly linked and logically follows from the previous point. Consider restructuring some sentences to improve flow.
task achievement
While you clearly address both views, provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, give a clear example of a successful environmental initiative.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but sometimes sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased. Simplify your sentences and focus on clarity.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should contain a single clear idea. Ensure each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next one.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and presents a clear opinion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both views, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
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