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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of spesific come under threat. What can be done to maintain biodiversity?

#importance #biodiversity #numbers #spesific #threat
Biodiversity is very important for maintaining sustainability. Nowadays, a lot of numbers for
animals
 are under threat so the
Government
 needs to protect them so they don't become threatened and maintain biodiversity. There are many causes for the animal threats. The
first,
environmental
Add a missing verb
is environmental
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 damage by human beings,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
forest
 fires. When doing that, almost all
animals
 in the woods will feel intimidated and move to other areas that are more safe, indeed not even a small amount died for
animals
.
Moreover
, deforestation is
also
 frequent in some countries like
in
Change preposition
apply
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Indonesia. So far, the tree is a life place for some
animals
 in the
forest
 but when the tree was cut down of course the
animals
 lost their house. Not only that, another bad effect is that the smoke produced can cause respiratory
problems
 both for
animals
 and humans in the
near
Correct word choice
nearby
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forest
 areas.
On the other hand
, the
Government
also
 contributed to these
problems
 like infrastructure development in the
forest
. Absolutely, we can
make
Verb problem
find
show examples
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
about
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to
show examples
 that
problems
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problem
show examples
.
Firstly
, the
Government
 made a program education for netizens, especially about lists of
animals
 protected
for example
 in Indonesia like Cendrawasih Birds from Papua Islands.
And
Correct word choice
Then
show examples
then
, the
Government
 build ecotourism with
the
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apply
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clear
location
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locations
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for example
 in Borneo,
Sumatera
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Sumatra
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, Sulawesi or Papua Islands that have
Forest
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forests
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 very much too.
Next,
The
Government
 can
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focus
focuss
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focus
to finish
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on finishing
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this
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this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
as
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by
show examples
 making
law
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laws
show examples
 and
policy
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policies
show examples
such
 as
activity to
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activities
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 conversation, animal
protected
Replace the word
protection
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 and giving punishment to some people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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breaking
Wrong verb form
break
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 the laws like catching, hunting and selling
animal protected
Add a hyphen
animal-protected
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 In my opinion,
this
 is a big problem and there needs to soon be a search for a solution and collaboration for everyone from any background
both
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
Government
, Environment Activist, Social Enterprise,
Company
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Companies
show examples
 and others.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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introduction conclusion present
In the introduction, make sure to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps provide a clear structure for the reader.
supported main points
Try to elaborate more on each example and link it clearly to the main point being made. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have identified the main causes of threats to biodiversity and provided relevant examples to support your points.
complete response
You've suggested practical solutions that can be implemented to mitigate the threats to biodiversity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem
  • Endangered species
  • Wildlife sanctuaries
  • Sustainable practices
  • Conservation efforts
  • Habitat destruction
  • Ecosystem dynamics
  • Species populations
  • International cooperation
  • Climate change
  • Natural resources
  • Economic planning
  • Sustainable development
  • Public awareness
  • Community involvement
What to do next:
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