IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Whether resources should be spent on
traffic
Use synonyms
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 rather than using them on the system of public transport bears some consideration. Critics, including
this
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 writer, believe that
this
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 phenomenon could be fully deniable
due to
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 environmental costs and continuous demand for upgrading. As a matter of fact, upgrading roads and motorways would cause harm to the environment.
This
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 is
due to
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 the consequence of human construction activities which would emit an insane amount of carbon- and sulfur-included substances. So
as a result
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 of
this
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, it would lead to a great contribution to the greenhouse effect and other deteriorating phenomena
such
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 as acid rain.
For example
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,
according to
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 VnExpress in 2022, the total amount of carbon emission released without the account of exhaust fumes coming out of vehicles is about 22%, approximately a fifth compared to the whole global emitted carbon.
Therefore
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, making it a losing investment in
traffic
Use synonyms
infrastructure
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, especially those suffering from heavy air contamination. One vital thing that must
also
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 be addressed is the always-ongoing desire to expand the roads and motorways. Assumingly, as the population keep growing over time, there will be eventually more demand for personal vehicles
thus
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 leading to more upgrades to the
traffic
Use synonyms
infrastructure
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 to be dealt with.
Then
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as a consequence
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 of
this
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, it would take over more space and
then
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 cease with problems caused by overpopulation
such
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 as housing, resources and living space.
Therefore
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, it should be tackled precisely if they want to expand the
traffic
Use synonyms
infrastructure
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. In conclusion, budgets should not be spent on upgrading roads and motorways
due to
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 the fact of environmental consequences and potential population-booming issues.
Therefore
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, making public transport a safe option to invest in.

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coherence cohesion
You've done a good job explaining your points, but it would be even clearer if you organized your paragraphs slightly better. For instance, each paragraph could focus on a single main idea supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
Your essay covers the topic well, but try to delve a bit deeper into your arguments. Offering more detailed explanations or additional examples could strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear and comprehensively addressed, making your stance on the topic understandable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • economic efficiency
  • transport of goods and services
  • infrastructure
  • accidents
  • environmental impact
  • individual vehicles
  • affordable and accessible transportation
  • construction and maintenance
  • stimulate the economy
  • sustainable
  • urban development
  • urban sprawl
  • higher-density
  • public transport systems
  • motorways
  • railways
  • trams
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