Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #quality #lives #government #money

Overall

, I agree with the statement that the

government

should have more budget for things like public services including

hospitals

, parks, transportation, and many more

instead

arts

in order to provide a quality

life

to its citizens. The first and foremost reason for my agreement is that people's lives are directly impacted by the services that the

government

is providing them. The onus to provide better

facilities

is on the shoulders of the

government

, so

instead

of spending money on

arts

or theatres, the

government

should be more focused on providing other amenities,

for example

, educational schools,

hospitals

, and many more.

For instance

, if the

government

assists children with better educational

facilities

then

these children in future would be able to secure better jobs like scientists, and doctors which ultimately improve their quality of

life

, and

this

also

helps to strengthen a country's economy in the long run.

In addition

to that, we cannot deny that

arts

like music have an impact on the

life

of an individual but still, it is not directly linked to a person's

life

in any way, and these are merely a kind of recreational, fun, and relaxation activity.

Whereas

Correct word choice

Facilities

show examples

facilities

hospitals

are responsible for treating various patients and saving their lives, so music and painting cannot be considered as important as

hospitals

For instance

, during COVID-19, the whole world was in need of good

hospitals

and doctors to treat infectious patients, and no one was bothered about anything related to the

arts

. In conclusion, I am convinced that people are directly impacted by the

facilities

provided by the

government

, so the

government

's first priority should be to assist its local residents with better amenities in terms of public services.

Submitted by harleenarora620 on Thu May 30 2024

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task achievement

Expanding on how arts enrich individual lives and cultural heritage would add depth to the essay. You could also consider possible objections to your viewpoint and address them.

coherence cohesion

Consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs for an even smoother flow of ideas. For instance, you can link the potential benefits of better public services to the improvement in the country's economy more explicitly.

coherence cohesion

While the essay is clearly written, occasionally using synonyms or varied sentence structures can make your essay more engaging. This can prevent redundancy, particularly with phrases like 'for example' and 'in addition to that.'

introduction conclusion present

You have a very strong introduction and conclusion, which helps in clearly presenting your argument and summarizing it effectively. This makes your essay easy to follow and ensures your points are well understood.

supported main points

All your main points are well-supported with specific examples and explanations, contributing to a comprehensive response to the task.

complete response

Your essay addresses the task prompt fully and presents a clear stance, which is consistently maintained throughout, making your argument convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

In the modern world. it is no longer neccesary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening ? Do you think this is an appropriate use of governments money?

An increasing number of doctors and professors are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does it cause and what are the solutions.