Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There
are
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is
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discussion topic about between
salary
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and good working atmosphere.
While
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some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
claim that
high
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a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
is more important than
good
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a good
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working atmosphere, other
people
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claim that
good
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a good
show examples
working area is more important. I strongly agree with the second part and in
this
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essay, both views will be discussed and my own opinion will be stated. On the one hand,
high
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a high
show examples
salary
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is more important for
a
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an
show examples
employee because many
people
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work
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to earn a lot of
many
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
. There are several
person
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people
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who
work
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in
bad
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a bad
show examples
atmosphere cause of
high
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the high
show examples
salary
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. Especially,
people
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who have to bring home
to
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apply
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bacon.
According to
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research conducted, English researchers claim that a lot
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people
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of people
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select
to
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apply
show examples
companies which have
high
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a high
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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and
they
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apply
show examples
are happy with their
job
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jobs
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.
On the other hand
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, a good working
atmosphre
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atmosphere
is more important because....
somethings
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something
show examples
more important the Money. Workers who
work
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in the bad
atmosphre
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atmosphere
don’t continue to
work
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in
these workplace
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this workplace
these workplaces
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even if their
salary
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is high. A good working
places
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place
show examples
meaning of happier employees. To my mind,
Use synonyms
work
Add an article
the work
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environment
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is more important because more
got
Verb problem
apply
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efficiency
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efficient
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in a good working
environment
Use synonyms
. The workers who
working
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work
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in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
good place are more
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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phychologically
Correct your spelling
psychologically
and that situation increases
work
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efficiency. So they earn more money end of the month.
According to
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research conducted, Turkish researchers say that prole who have good working
environment
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are more
succesful
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successful
than others.
To sum up
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, there are two
option
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options
show examples
;
high
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a high
show examples
salary
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or
work
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in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good
environment
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. Some
people
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choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
but some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
workin
Correct your spelling
working
workin'
area is important.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task but could be improved by clearly stating the importance of both salary and a good working atmosphere in the introduction. Try to provide more balanced and detailed arguments for both views.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your main points further with more relevant examples and details. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Language
There are a few grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that need to be corrected. Make sure to proofread your essay before submission.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow. Using linking phrases can help improve coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay makes an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion tries to summarize the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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