Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There
are
discussion topic about between Change the verb form
is
salary
and good working atmosphere. While
some poeple
claim that Correct your spelling
people
high
Correct article usage
a high
salary
is more important than good
working atmosphere, other Correct article usage
a good
people
claim that good
working area is more important. I strongly agree with the second part and in Correct article usage
a good
this
essay, both views will be discussed and my own opinion will be stated.
On the one hand, high
Add an article
a high
salary
is more important for a
employee because many Change the article
an
people
work
to earn a lot of many
. There are several Correct your spelling
money
person
who Change to a plural noun
people
work
in bad
atmosphere cause of Correct article usage
a bad
high
Correct article usage
the high
salary
. Especially, people
who have to bring home to
bacon. Change preposition
apply
According to
research conducted, English researchers claim that a lot people
select Change preposition
of people
to
companies which have Change preposition
apply
high
Add an article
a high
salary
and Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
they
are happy with their Correct pronoun usage
apply
job
.
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
On the other hand
, a good working atmosphre
is more important because.... Correct your spelling
atmosphere
somethings
more important the Money. Workers who Fix the agreement mistake
something
work
in the bad atmosphre
don’t continue to Correct your spelling
atmosphere
work
in these workplace
even if their Change the determiner
this workplace
these workplaces
salary
is high. A good working places
meaning of happier employees.
To my mind, Fix the agreement mistake
place
work
Add an article
the work
environment
is more important because more got
Verb problem
apply
efficiency
in a good working Replace the word
efficient
environment
. The workers who working
in Change the form of the verb
work
the
good place are more Change the article
a
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
phychologically
and that situation increases Correct your spelling
psychologically
work
efficiency. So they earn more money end of the month. According to
research conducted, Turkish researchers say that prole who have good working environment
are more succesful
than others.
Correct your spelling
successful
To sum up
, there are two option
; Fix the agreement mistake
options
high
Correct article usage
a high
salary
or work
in the
good Correct article usage
a
environment
. Some people
choice
Replace the word
choose
high
Correct article usage
a high
salary
but some people
believe that workin
area is important.Correct your spelling
working
workin'
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task but could be improved by clearly stating the importance of both salary and a good working atmosphere in the introduction. Try to provide more balanced and detailed arguments for both views.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your main points further with more relevant examples and details. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Language
There are a few grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that need to be corrected. Make sure to proofread your essay before submission.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from better transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow. Using linking phrases can help improve coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay makes an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion tries to summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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