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Writing Samples
Band 6

The most essential component of a person’s life is his or her time at the workplace, and life turns meaningless once no job satisfaction is obtained. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, there is a big focus on
job
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satisfaction
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. Some
people
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 believe that without it, their
life
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 would be meaningless. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because
although
Linking Words
job
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satisfaction
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 is important, I believe it is not the only thing that can bring meaning to a person’s
life
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. In fact, I believe there are many other things that can bring far greater meaning to a person’s
life
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 than their career choice.
Firstly
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, being satisfied with your
job
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 is of some importance. Most
people
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 spend approximately 40 hours a week or more at work, and
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 it is important to have a
job
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 that brings the highest level of
satisfaction
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 to enrich our lives. Having a
job
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 that provides meaning to a person’s
life
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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also
Linking Words
 brings that person a sense of purpose and
fulfillment
Use the right word
fulfilment
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, which are two of the key ingredients for true happiness. Those who find themselves stuck in boring, monotonous, and menial jobs for years on end may end up developing a low sense of self-worth and suffer from some form of mental illness,
such
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 as depression or anxiety.
However
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,
that is
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 not to say that without career
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satisfaction
Punctuation problem
satisfaction,
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 you cannot have a meaningful
life
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. These days, many
people
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 do not have the luxury of being able to choose the career of their choice as they may not have had the opportunity to pursue it,
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of education or money. These
people
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 can still find meaning in other parts of their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, whether it be in raising their children and taking care of their family, or even pursuing their passions and hobbies outside of work hours.
For example
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, someone may find the most meaning in their
life
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 by creating art, but may not be able to make a living by doing
this
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 and
therefore
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 have to get a
job
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 that may not bring them much
satisfaction
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. In conclusion, there are several other aspects of
people
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’s lives where meaning can be found, be it children, hobbies, or even religion.
That is
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 not to say that
job
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satisfaction
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 is not important, but rather just one possible source of happiness out of many.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your main argument. This helps to see your point clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the connections between your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Add more details or examples in your body paragraphs to support your ideas even further.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that states your opinion on the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
You included a good conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • component
  • workplace
  • job satisfaction
  • meaningless
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
  • significant
  • crucial
  • purposeless
  • factors
  • contribute
  • balancing
  • personal life
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