IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers. Include a relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is
principal
Correct word choice
important
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 for
people
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 to take
risks
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 in
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
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personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
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 and professional
lives
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.
People
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 who can take
risks
Use synonyms
 will receive new experiences and knowledge
for
Change preposition
in
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 their
lives
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. I think the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of taking
risks
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 outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 because
people
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 who try to take
risks
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 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
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 their
lives
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. In
this
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 essay, I will compare the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 with the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of taking
risks
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. In life,
people
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 will face several problems and choose the best option to head.
Therefore
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, to choose one of the options,
people
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 usually feel scared. It is because the risk that
happen
Change the verb form
happens
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 basically
distract
Correct subject-verb agreement
distracts
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people
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's
lives
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.
For instance
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, a man
hire
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hires
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consultant
Add an article
a consultant
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 to
design
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 his personal house, but
actually
Add a comma
actually,
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 he wants to
design
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 it by himself. He feels too afraid
if
Correct word choice
that
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 his
design
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 will be unpopular, not attractive, and bullied by his friends.
Finally
Linking Words
, he feels confused about the
consultant
Change noun form
consultant's
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design
Use synonyms
 because the
Use synonyms
design
Add a verb
design is
design was
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 not suitable for his taste. Compared to the
people
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 who
have
Verb problem
are
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 brave
to
Rephrase
enough to
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 take
risks
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, that person usually
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to
unlocked
Change the verb
unlock
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 a new experience.
Although
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 the results of their choice
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not satisfying,
people
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 who ever try to take
risks
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 still enjoy the process they tried.
Hence
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,
people
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 who take
risks
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 usually gain a lesson learned from that result.
For example
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,
people
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 invest in a stock share. In a month, the stock price
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 significantly, but suddenly
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 to the lowest price. He
confused
Add a missing verb
is confused
show examples
 about that, but he gets a new experience and knowledge by
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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 in stock. In conclusion, the advantages of taking
risks
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 outweigh the drawbacks
such
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 as
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 new experiences and knowledge for personal and professional
lives
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. So,
people
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 should try to take
risks
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 for better
lives
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.
Furthermore
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, from
the
Correct your spelling
these
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 experiences
people
Use synonyms
 can face and control their new problems.

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, include more specific examples to support your arguments. The current examples are helpful, but adding more detail could strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but aim to develop them more fully. For instance, elaborate on why taking risks can lead to personal satisfaction and how this contrasts with the fear of potential negative consequences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but try to make your transitions between paragraphs smoother. You might use phrases like ‘On the other hand’ or ‘In contrast’ to link contrasting points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, but it could be more engaging. Try to start with a compelling statement or question that draws the reader in.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay. However, restate your position more emphatically to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically presented and supported with relevant examples.
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