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Band 3

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their fruit and vegetable. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetable
we know that public parks and open spaces are being changed into
gardens
 in some cities
that
Correct word choice
where
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 local residents can grow fruit and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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there
Rephrase
apply
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.
it is clear that
 it issue has some advantages and some disadvantages.
to begin
 with , obviously , public parks are beneficial for people
for
Change preposition
in
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 their leisure
times
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time
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.
moreover
 , in terms of mental , these public parks are essential for
mind
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the mind
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as well as
 fresh air can help to better breathing. it is not
discovered
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been discovered
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 that environmentally speaking , trees and plants
also
 provide
co2
Correct your spelling
CO2
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, o2 and
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. to mention some ,
co2
Correct your spelling
CO2
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 for florals , o2 for humans and foods for animals.
Although
 there are many shops to buy fruits and vegetables , some people prefer to provide their vegetables
on
Change preposition
in
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 their own
gardens
.
however
, these fruits and vegetables are organic and useful for health.
Hence
 , they are sure about
health
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the health
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 of their products.
furthermore
 , they
access
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have access
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 to their produce whenever they want .
Therefore
 ,
this
 is
safety
Replace the word
safe
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 and available always. almost most people have a house with a little garden nowadays.
Thus
 , they can go to their
gardens
 and enjoy
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their plants and the fresh air
also
 . So , the problem of lack of
gardens
 can be solved.
to conclude
 , the advantages of
this
 issue are more than than disadvantages of that.
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task achievement
You need to present a more balanced discussion with clear arguments for both advantages and disadvantages, even if you ultimately argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use transition words to more clearly connect your sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion can be more impactful by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and attempted to provide arguments for both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community engagement
  • Social bonds
  • Sense of belonging
  • Physical exercise
  • Stress reduction
  • Fresh produce
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local biodiversity
  • Urban environment
  • Carbon footprint
  • Educational opportunities
  • Agriculture
  • Nutrition
  • Sustainability
  • Eco-friendly practices
  • Household grocery costs
  • Surplus produce
  • Economic boost
What to do next:
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