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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today many young people change their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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It’s common that today’s
youngn
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young
people
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change
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 their
jobs
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 frequently.I think
this
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 state of affairs
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due
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is due
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 to two main
reason
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reasons
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,
futhermore
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furthermore
 I think the state has
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this
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its
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 own advantages and disadvantages,
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however
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however,
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 the former is greater than the latter. I think there are two reasons.
First,
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the current cost of living is very high.It causes many young
people
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 cannot use their current wages to maintain their daily expenses. In order to survive, they have to find a
job
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 in a
company
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 with higher wages to maintain their lives.
Secondly
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, the development of network technology now allows more employees to see
careers
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career
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 information that they are interested in, which means that it is easier for them to find
workplace
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workplaces
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 they like, pursue their ideals, and choose to
change
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 works. There are benefits to changing
jobs
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 frequently. First of all, young
people
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 can increase their salary by changing
campany
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company
. Because many positions now hope to find experienced
people
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, under
such
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 conditions, many young
people
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 with work experience can propose conditions for increasing their wages,
thus
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 increasing their income.
Although
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 there are two advantages to changing
jobs
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 every few years, there are still disadvantages.
For example
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, it will cause losses to the firm . The
company
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 needs to invest money to train
a
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apply
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new staff . If
people
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change
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jobs
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 quickly, the
company
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 will need to invest in training costs for employees again and again.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
change
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job
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jobs
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 as soon as possible will lose trust . Because they often alter companies and do not have
a
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apply
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stable and long-term
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job
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jobs
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 in the same
company
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, subsequent companies will doubt whether
people
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 will
change
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jobs
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 quickly,they will not hire
people
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 who often
change
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jobs
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 because of
this
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 fear. In conclusion, I think the reason why graduates regularly replace
jobs
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 and positions is related to salary and information on the Internet. But in the long run,
such
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 frequent
job
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 changes will cause great damage to the trust of young
people
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 and the
company
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. So I think the disadvantages outweigh the benefits

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in spelling and phrasing to avoid small typos such as 'youngn' instead of 'young'.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical structure by making use of clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Try to offer more specific examples to support your points, as this can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clarify the comparison between advantages and disadvantages by directly addressing why one outweighs the other.
coherence cohesion
The essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
The response fully addresses the task, touching on both reasons for job changes and the advantages/disadvantages.
task achievement
Relevant points are provided for both the reasons and the impacts of frequent job changes.
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