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Writing Samples
Band 6

A recent newspaper article reports that a 14 year old boy, who seriously damaged his school, got a punishment to clean streets instead of being sent to the prison. Do you think young criminals should be sent to prison or should alternative forms of punishment be used?

#newspaper #article #reports #year #boy #school #punishment #streets #prison #criminals #alternative #forms
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It is the irrefutable point that children are the future of the nation, but sometimes
this
Linking Words
 notion looks wrong when juveniles make a big mistake, as the latest newspaper article reports that a 14-year-old boy, damaged school and got punishment for cleaning streets
instead
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 of being sent to the prison and I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
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 punishment rather than sending teenagers to
jail
Use synonyms
. I will explain all the reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
Correct your spelling
teenage
show examples
teen-age
Correct your spelling
teenage
show examples
 is a very sensitive age, where a child goes through so many stages
such
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 as hormone imbalance, which leads to mood swings, anxiety, and stubborn
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, in
this
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 case, youngsters do everything that comes to their mind,
instead
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 of listening to their parents.
As a result
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, sometimes they get misguided by their aggressive behavior causes to make mistakes, which should resolved by giving them small punishments under the supervision of a mature person rather than sending them to
jail
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, their biological parents should give some time to understand their kids, so they should never repeat the same habits.
Secondly
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, sending adolescents to
jail
Use synonyms
 camps means not giving them another chance to live their lives, or not trying to understand their problems, which will make them more savage and can
also
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 destroy their careers. That's why it is better to give them small- small punishments
such
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 as finding their weaknesses and working on them, giving them more homework than other classmates, so they can feel guilty and never repeat the same thing and it will not affect their whole careers. A recent study has shown that 20% of teenagers improved their habits just by getting small- small penalties from school under the supervision of teachers.
Consequently
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, the sentence of academic study is far better than prison. To synopsize, I pen down saying that sometimes minors are not responsible for their brutal manners, they need time and understanding from both parents and teachers to improve themselves
instead
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 of going to
jail
Use synonyms
 in teenage.
Submitted by hkaur14165 on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a clear response to the task, there are some points which could be expanded upon for more depth. Try to provide more specific evidence or examples to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your argument is mostly clear, but certain areas could benefit from better transitions between points. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to make your ideas more clear and improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is engaging and clearly states your perspective on the issue.
task achievement
You do well to mention the sensitive nature of adolescence, which helps to contextualize why alternative punishments can be more suitable.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively reinforces your main argument and leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juveniles
  • delinquency
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • impact
  • consequences
  • community service
  • restorative justice
What to do next:
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