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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Research has shown that unhealthy eating habits create a negative impact on
people
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 and, generally, on society.
However
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, a solution has been proposed for
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 is the idea that unhealthy food must be taxed by the government. But, it is shown that some humans support
this
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 initiative
while
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 others are opposed.
Finally
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, who is the right one?
Firstly
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, those who support the idea of a "fat tax" are those who believe that
people
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 can't be changed if
someone
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 doesn't set boundaries for them.
For instance
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,
someone
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 who used to drive fast in his car would continue to do it unless the government wrote a law about speed limits.
In addition
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, maybe, these are those who want
someone
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 else to set measurements in their lives, because they cannot.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who think that a tax will not
change
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people
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's unhealthy habits, are those who focus on the
change
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 of
someone
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's mind first. I mean that these are of the opinion that when
someone
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 wants to
change
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, they will search for reasons and benefits that will have. If they do not do it, they may not adopt a new law. In conclusion, in my opinion, the initiative tax to unhealthy food will help society to
change
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, but only for a little time. The main goal should be for
people
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 to alter their eating habits forever. Obviously, I strongly believe that
this
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 will occur only with changes in
people
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's minds by observing seminars and reading scientific articles now.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Mentioning concrete evidence or studies will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each of your points. Some ideas could be elaborated further for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the transitions between your ideas and within your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Public health outcomes
  • Revenue
  • Reinvested
  • Health education programs
  • Level the playing field
  • Regressive
  • Low-income individuals
  • Governmental overreach
  • Infringing
  • Personal freedom
  • Education about healthy eating
  • Subsidizing
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