IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills.to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effect #skills
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Some people assert that increasing use of media
devices
 for communication has a negative effect on the young generation's reading and writing skills. To protect
children
's academic abilities, I believe that the Internet has to
regulate
Wrong verb form
be regulated
show examples
 as soon as possible. In modern society where the Internet has developed fully, information technology
devices
 have an auto-correcting function, correcting misspelt sentences and words when they write an email or text.
This
 function makes
children
 don't need to care about sentences with their literacy ability.
For example
, the auto-correcting application called Gremmerly makes people
leave to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
feel needless about brainstorming new ideas and self-generated complex sentences.
On the other hand
, the massive amount of videos and games on computers and mobile phones makes
children
 distract their attention far away from important things
such
 as homework.
According to
 the research initiated by China, the young generation's average
uage
Correct your spelling
usage
age
 of Instagram and Tick Tock which make constantly a lot of data recorded for nearly 3 to 5 hours on a daily basis. In conclusion, even though the benefits of convenience from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laptops and portable
devices
, I believe that the auto-correcting function and the amount of distraction from
devices
make decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
children
's academic skills.
Submitted by kopopig on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and outlines several key points that support your view. However, to achieve a higher score, provide more detailed examples and expand on your ideas. Try to introduce a counterargument to strengthen your position further.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, use more linking phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. Work on paragraph development by elaborating on main points.
language accuracy
To enhance your writing, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Minor grammatical mistakes and some awkward phrasing detract from the overall quality. Proofreading your work can help spot these issues.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and the conclusion summarises your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the subject matter and have effectively highlighted the negative aspects of increased use of media devices on children's reading and writing skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • comprehension skills
  • digital content
  • sustained reading capabilities
  • texting and messaging apps
  • abbreviations
  • acronyms
  • emojis
  • formally and coherently
  • educational resources
  • scholarly articles
  • educational apps
  • enhance
  • digital platforms
  • blogs
  • social media posts
  • online forums
  • concise
  • impactful writing
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