IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the main reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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It is true that
sports
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 can bring more load on offspring's bodies and cause some bad injuries. There are a variety of reasons for
this
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 issue, but steps can be taken to tackle the problem. The two main causes of the heavy load of
sports
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 on
children
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 are the types of
sports
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children
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 choose and the lack of proper
sports
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 facilities.
Firstly
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,
children
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 are engaged in the wrong type of physical activities that do not suit their age and body weight. They play hard
sports
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 like boxing or martial arts.
In other words
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, these types of
sports
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 require long practice hours, and
as a result
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, the offspring's body gets overloaded and sometimes causes bad injuries.
For example
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,
children
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 who play boxing need to practice for long hours and eat too much food to handle
this
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 type of sport, which results in severe health and body problems.
Secondly
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, most of the
sports
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 facilities are not well equipped with suitable equipment,
thus
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 offspring get injured all the time. Some possible solutions to
this
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 problem are;
initially
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, educate
children
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 about the type of
sports
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 they should play. When
children
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 are well educated about
sports
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, they are more likely to choose less dangerous physical activities to play.
Moreover
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, schools should increase safety measures when kids are playing. It is recommended that schools hire doctors or physiotherapists in their cadre to monitor
children
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 during any
sports
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 events.
To sum up
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, increasing awareness about
sports
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 and preparing adequate facilities can decrease the negative results on
children
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while
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 playing
sports
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.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you provide more detailed and specific examples to better illustrate your points. For instance, you could mention specific cases of injuries caused by improper equipment or cite studies on the risks of certain sports for children.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on clearer transitions between points. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument more smoothly. For example, you can use phrases like 'In addition to this,' or 'Another factor to consider is,' to link your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in conveying your message effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant details, making it easier to understand the rationale behind your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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