IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

#university #students #range #subjects
Every single academic learner should study a different type of
subject
 or
one
subject
 would be enough to learn.
Although
, the
students
 who study many
subjects
 might be helpful. Focusing on
one
subject
 can bring more benefits for professionalism in their jobs. On the
one
 hand, many university
students
 need to learn a certain
subject
according to
 their field.
Therefore
, focusing on
one
subject
 could be more effective in order to gain knowledge.
For instance
, in the country of Germany has a special and successful teaching system in higher education that their universities teach only necessary
subjects
 for their major.
Moreover
, in Germany, different spheres are developed compared to other countries. The main reason for the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every single major is that the German authority teaches only important
subjects
 related to
students
' fields. Learning specific
subjects
 may bring benefits.
On the other hand
, learning numerous types of
subjects
 would be helpful throughout
students
' lives because being aware of various
subjects
 may lead to being a flexible and knowledgeable person. To exemplify,
students
, if they would study other
subjects
 apart from their own, and those
subjects
 might give them the main knowledge. If they face extreme situations like a medical emergency, they may handle that kind of case easily by using the knowledge that they have .
In addition
, every
subject
 plays a specific role, so as much as possible
students
 need to learn other
subjects
.
To sum up
, I partially agree that people who learn in an academic education should know more about their major than
concentrating
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on other modules.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure your arguments logically follow each other. For example, make sure to clearly link your main points to the topic sentences and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure to fully address the task prompt. You mention both sides of the argument, but deepening the analysis and connecting it more explicitly to the main point will result in a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, support your points with more specific examples and explanations. The points about Germany and medical emergencies are good starts, but providing more detail will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, particularly the reference to Germany's education system and handling medical emergencies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: