IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

University students should learn a range of other subjects and not just one subject.

#university #students #range #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Every single academic learner should study a different type of
subject
Use synonyms
 or
one
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 would be enough to learn.
Although
Linking Words
, the
students
Use synonyms
 who study many
subjects
Use synonyms
 might be helpful. Focusing on
one
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 can bring more benefits for professionalism in their jobs. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, many university
students
Use synonyms
 need to learn a certain
subject
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their field.
Therefore
Linking Words
, focusing on
one
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 could be more effective in order to gain knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the country of Germany has a special and successful teaching system in higher education that their universities teach only necessary
subjects
Use synonyms
 for their major.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in Germany, different spheres are developed compared to other countries. The main reason for the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every single major is that the German authority teaches only important
subjects
Use synonyms
 related to
students
Use synonyms
' fields. Learning specific
subjects
Use synonyms
 may bring benefits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, learning numerous types of
subjects
Use synonyms
 would be helpful throughout
students
Use synonyms
' lives because being aware of various
subjects
Use synonyms
 may lead to being a flexible and knowledgeable person. To exemplify,
students
Use synonyms
, if they would study other
subjects
Use synonyms
 apart from their own, and those
subjects
Use synonyms
 might give them the main knowledge. If they face extreme situations like a medical emergency, they may handle that kind of case easily by using the knowledge that they have .
In addition
Linking Words
, every
subject
Use synonyms
 plays a specific role, so as much as possible
students
Use synonyms
 need to learn other
subjects
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I partially agree that people who learn in an academic education should know more about their major than
concentrating
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on other modules.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure your arguments logically follow each other. For example, make sure to clearly link your main points to the topic sentences and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure to fully address the task prompt. You mention both sides of the argument, but deepening the analysis and connecting it more explicitly to the main point will result in a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, support your points with more specific examples and explanations. The points about Germany and medical emergencies are good starts, but providing more detail will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, particularly the reference to Germany's education system and handling medical emergencies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: